Carry Your Reflection
by Seishuku Skuld
Summary: FINAL CHAPTER POSTED! ^_^ Shounen-ai, lime for chap. 10, Seishirou x Subaru. Subaru finally tries to free himself of the hold of the Sakurazukamori, but can he do it? And likewise, can Seishirou truly give him up?
1. Slide

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Carry Your Reflection

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Chapter One: Slide

by Seishuku Skuld (skuldsai@magicgirl.com)

Series: X/Tokyo Babylon

Pairing: Seishirou x Subaru

Warnings: Mostly shounen-ai angst with one lemon scene...lots and lots of angst...but I have to give you guys a happy ending of course. I can't keep my beloved Seishirou-san and Subaru-kun apart, can I?

Author's Notes: I am still on my Seishirou x Subaru kick. Somebody help me. O_O Yes gods, help me. I don't know how long it will last...but I'm hoping the longer the better. ^_^ I am very fanfiction-ly productive when I'm obsessed, and there's just so much to write about with the Seishirou x Subaru relationship.

So here's another one of Skuld's madcap ideas...and her second epic fic. O_O I'm not good at epics. I hope this one at least turns out decent, ne? ^_^

Dedicated to: Miriya Valentine. Because her fics rule, and her Seishirou x Subaru roleplay is the best. ^_^ *grins* Now I'll shut up, because I don't want to embarass her more. ^^;; 

***********

::These same old four walls.::

Subaru glares at his bare apartment. It is night, the thinning crescent moon shining through transparent clouds, casting a ghostly glow on the dark carpet of his sparsely furnished room. The young onmyouji frowns irritably, feeling suddenly caged and restrained by the seemingly teasing freedom of the clouds drifting in the soft breeze. Though it is night, Tokyo is still well lit, and if he searches the horizon, he can see the large lit beacon that is Tokyo Tower.

::Tokyo Tower.::

The place is hardly familiar to the Sumeragi, he almost never has time to himself. And when he does, he certainly has no reason to spend it in Tokyo's landmark. He closes his eyes, and remembers a particular incident, one of the few in which he actually had a job there. The ghost haunting the place had been a young woman; life had treated her badly, but she still found that she had loved Tokyo Tower, and the city itself. A much younger Subaru had spent the night there in the arms of what had been a dear friend. A night much remembered, not only for the encounter, but for the shared beauty of the sunrise over the sprawling Japanese city.

He opens his eyes, and the images fade. The stillness of that memory dissolves into chaos, and from that emerges other visions of pink sakura petals, and the smell of blood and betrayal.

::Hokuto-chan...::

A red-stained shifuku, and an ethereal whisper. Subaru bites his lip, to keep from cursing that name. That name which leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, that name which summons up white-hot blades of anger, which he never thought he possessed.

::Sakurazuka Seishirou.::

The Sakurazukamori. Caretakers of an ancient sakura tree, the result of a rebellious onmyouji from centuries ago, and a long line of assassins which fed the tree the energy it needed to thrive: human souls. Subaru grits his teeth, remembering the death of his beloved twin sister at the Sakurazukamori's hands. He can still hear her whispering his name, and he dreams of her pain at night. Her pain and his.

Exhausted from his reflections, exhausted of the same room in which he has sat brooding for the past few years, Subaru gets up from his bed, throws on his coat, and walks out. The door shuts with a resounding slam behind him, but he pays the loud noise no heed. There is a hunger that drives him tonight, a hunger which needs to be satisfied tonight.

He races down the stairs and into the cool night air. The streets are mostly empty at this time of night, and the few people that are around pay him no need. He does not notice them. To him, they are not important, negligible people with their negligible lives. Long ago, or so it seems for him, he might have tried to help some of them. But now, he leaves them alone. No matter what he does, or what they do, he won't make a difference; and they in turn, cannot help him.

He walks, not quite knowing or caring where his feet carry him. His legs propel themselves, one in front of the other, and over and over again. But he heads in one direction, one place he wants to be. One place where he knows the other will come, sooner or later. One place where he can at least be close to the one that was his other half.

::Ueno Park.::

The place is abandoned, shrouded in darkness, protected from light by the canopy of thriving sakura trees. The light wind stirs their branches, dislodging the fragile petals and throwing them into the breeze. They float down slowly, twirling about themselves in their own intricate dance, landing on Subaru's coat and hair, laughing gaily, clad in their dresses of light pink hues.

::Do you know what makes these sakura petals pink?::

The question comes unbidden in his mind, fragments of a memory now recovered. A memory from long past, of this same place and a dark-haired, mysterious youth.

::The blood of your victims buried beneath the tree.::

The Sumeragi's lips move in an answer. It is an answer he now knows, as well as if he had put the corpses there by his own hands.

The tree itself is the tallest of all the sakura in Ueno Park, towering majestically above the others, always in blossom, its petals stained a deep rose. He approaches it slowly, and it showers him with its flowers, almost as if in greeting. He knows what it hides inside. If he closes his eyes, he can almost hear them. A wailing torrent of voices in a macabre chorus, siren songs drawing him in. The voices are stripped of their lives, their humanity, and inside the tree they know nothing but the pain that captivity brings them, and an almost animalistic desire to share their suffering with those that are free. 

Subaru smiles in the darkness, a soft sakura brushing against his pale cheek. He too, hides something inside. An odd, savage sort of urge.

::Revenge.::

Day and night this word has graced his thoughts, infusing itself in his mind, his brain, dancing before his vision and seeping into his dreams, accompanying the pain. If there was one person his once-gentle spirit hated, it was the Sakurazukamori: Sakurazuka Seishirou. Lying, deceitful assassin, who had entangled him and his sister in a deadly game of life and death he had not been aware of. Day in and day out, Subaru dreams of Seishirou. Sometimes, with a bittersweet film, he recalls the one happy year he had spent in ignorace. Other times, he imagines his battles with the Sakurazukamori, always ending in his victory. He swore to himself innumerable times that Seishirou would die by his hand. His blood would be covering the carpet of sakura beneath the tree. Everyday and every night, that name was on his lips, filling his mouth and rolling off his tongue.

Sakurazuka Seishirou.

He needs not wait long, for soon out of the darkness the form of the assassin materializes. He carries a limp corpse in his arms, the body of a young boy, probably out on an errand in the night. The scarlet ichor falls in thick droplets, staining the petals beneath his limp body. The Sakurazukamori instantly sees him, a solitary figure of white in a sea of pink. Seishirou smiles, his victim falling from his hands, landing in an unkempt pile on the ground. Its head rolls to the side, eyes staring off into the inky blackness; it sees nothing.

"Sumeragi Subaru-kun," the assassin says with a cold smile, a mere upturn of the thin lips. "It's been a while. How long?"

The young onmyouji stiffens, his hand diving within his coat, fingering several thin strips of paper. "Too long, Seishirou-san." He too has an icy smile, almost an exactly replica of the one worn by the Sakurazukamori. Almost. It still has one fatal flaw. "Need we begin with formalities?"

Seishirou's smile broadens, but gathers no warmth. He speaks, keeping his voice level, but letting a few droplets of amusement settle in. "How cute you are when you're so eager, my Subaru-kun." He puts his hands into his pockets, leaning on them slightly to give himself a casual appearance of nonchalance. "Do you plan to succeed me as Sakurazukamori tonight?"

"Only," the Sumeragi replies quickly, his words cutting at the heels of Seishirou's, "to avenge my sister's death, and put myself at peace." He makes no aggressive move, but merely watches his enemy intently.

Seishirou shrugs, tilting his head slightly. "I don't think you're ready for that yet, my Subaru-kun."

"I'll be the judge of that," Subaru growls, all the anger and hatred bottled inside that slim body exploding forth. His arms extends, and the ofuda fly forth, materializing into swift bird shikigami that launch themselves at Seishirou.

The Sakurazukamori is ready, however, and his own spells are quickly summoned to his defense. Subaru's attack is carelessly deflected with a mere flick of his wrist. The shikigami fly to the side, plowing into the thick carpet of sakura, kicking up a storm of pink petals.

Seishirou smiles as he reinforces this with his own illusion, and soon Subaru is stuck in a whirling tornado of sakura. "Seishirou!" he shouts, looking wildly for his adversary. He is nowhere to be seen, only endless miles of flowers and darkness stand in his vision. He hesitates for a fatal, deciding moment.

Tendrils, long branches reach out to him from the beneath the ground. They twine around his arms and his feet, wrap themselves thickly around his chest, winding around his neck. He cannot move.

"Seishirou!" Subaru gasps as he vines tighten, cutting off air and jerking him upright. Seishirou appears from the illusion around him, his cold smile still painted to his face. Subaru has the insane thought that he should rip it off.

"Well well, my Subaru-kun," the assassin speaks, taking slow steps toward the bound onmyouji, "I didn't expect you to lose this quickly. You hesitate too much. You shouldn't restrain yourself like that."

"I'll keep that in mind," Subaru grits his teeth, staring defiantly at the off-colored eyes of the Sakurazukamori.

"There won't be a next time, dear Subaru-kun." Seishirou's smile widens. "We're human, we all make a few mistakes." 

"I'm waiting for you to make yours," Subaru hisses in answer, struggling against his bonds. He glares back at the assassin with all the anger and hatred boiling inside his thin body. Seishirou lifts a dark eyebrow, looking deeply in those shining green eyes. What does he see there? Anger? Fear? Hatred? So different from the innocent boy he was so long ago. What is he now? Older, wiser, more experienced. 

Those green eyes no longer hold the wide-eyed wonder of childhood, but instead a weathered weariness that has seen much more sadness than most men of his age. They speak of blood, tears, and many hours of staying up late at night.

Seishirou finds the more he looks, the less he can tell of what the Sumeragi is thinking. Gone are the fleeting emotions thinly veiled by those glowing emerald orbs, instead they now hold a depth of fathomless darkness. Whatever it is the Sumeragi feels, it is all concealed within those defiant pupils. What an interesting boy Subaru has become. What an interesting boy Seishirou has made him. His smile fades and he places the cold, careless look back on his face. He puts firm, chill fingers at the young onmyouji's chin, tilting the boy's head up. 

Subaru flinches at the touch, a soft caress that he dares not respond to. His breath catches in his throat, fighting down the fear of what Seishirou might do to him. 

"Oh, my poor Subaru-kun," the Sakurazukamori croons, letting all the honeyed compassion flow into his voice, "those dark rings around your eyes," and Subaru feels a gentle finger traversing underneath his right eye, "they don't hide that you need to get some rest."

"There's no rest from you," Subaru bites back, his words catching on the heels of Seishirou's as his voice turns dangerously quiet. "Let me go."

"And where would you go, my dear Subaru-kun? Slide back into your old life?" Seishirou chuckles mentally at the idea. His little Subaru-kun will never leave him, as surely as those stars are carved into his hands.

"Away from you," the Sumeragi growls in response, seemingly losing all his energy. He deflates, his head dropping, his eyes losing their heat and withdrawing into himself. "Let me go."

Seishirou shakes his head. "Not yet, my dear Subaru-kun. Do you really think you can leave me? Do you really think you can leave the trail I have cut out for you?"

Subaru nods, but doesn't look back at him, his body hanging limply from the branches of the illusion. He looks like a sad, despairing doll. Seishirou feels his anger rising, and he immediately squashes it with all the iron control he possesses. Is Subaru-kun truly this miserable? Does he truly suffer as much as he appears to?

"You brought this on yourself, Subaru-kun," Seishirou says quietly. He lifts the Sumeragi's head with a firm hand. He stares deep into those verdant eyes which mysteriously do not reveal anything to him. He shifts his body closer, sliding next to the Sumeragi. "You need rest, Subaru-kun," he whispers gently. Like the old days. He chooses his moment, and passes his hand over the Sumeragi's eyes, closing them. "Sleep."

Subaru fights the spell with all the power left in him, but he is no match for Seishirou with the full force of the tree behind him. He gives one last struggle, and falls into the comfort of darkness.

End _Slide_


	2. Hunter

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Carry Your Reflection

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Chapter Two: Hunter

By Seishuku Skuld (skuldsai@magicgirl.com) 

Series: X/Tokyo Babylon

Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru

Warning: implied non-consensual sex in this chapter.

This chapter is dedicated to: Charmii! For her wonderful thoughts of Seishirou and Subaru in matching red thongs. O_O

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Subaru awakens slowly, his mind reluctantly lifting itself from the haze of slumber. He groans, and rolls over, pressing himself against the warm bedsheets underneath him. He sighs contentedly, wondering what it was that happened last night that makes him so satisfied in the morning.

His eyes suddenly snap open as he remembers. 

::Sakurazukamori.::

He sits up, fully alert, his eyes scanning the room. He can barely make out the furnishings in the room, only a thin ray of the morning sunlight streams in through a tiny crack in the black curtains. He sees a shadow of a chair, a lamp, a full-length mirror, the closed doors to a large closet.

This is not his bedroom. Subaru turns, he is lying naked in one side of the bed, the other side is mussed, the pillow obviously recently slept in. His clothes lie in a disheveled pile on the floor. Subaru throws the blankets from him, and shifts his body, putting his cold feet on the richly carpeted floor. 

::Ouch.::

He hurts. His heart stops, his eyes widen.

::No.::

He shakes his head, his breathing quickens.

::No…he didn't…::

Seishirou is nowhere to be seen, but Subaru will stake his life that this is his apartment, and that this is Seishirou's bedroom, he is sitting in Seishirou's bed, sore in places he never knew he had. Sore in some places he hasn't even touched himself.

::No…please…don't let…::

Unbidden tears rise to his eyes.

::Please…::

He shakes his head again, in disbelief. It just couldn't be. Why is he here in Seishirou's apartment? Why is he not dead? Why didn't Seishirou kill him? Why won't Seishirou just leave him alone? Why did he have to…to him?

Subaru dresses quickly, his mind still whirling. He remembers being bound by Seishirou's illusion, Seishirou touching his cheek gently, telling him to sleep. And after that, he remembers nothing. His breath catches in his throat and an unexpected tear falls from emerald eyes. Seishirou did…when he was asleep…

He pulls his clothes on quickly, intending to find the Sakurazukamori. What would he do then? Try to kill him? Try not let his shame and embarrassment show? Just the thought of Seishirou doing that to him, when he was unconscious…it makes him want to disappear, melt into the floor and which he never existed. It makes him question why he is still here, why he hasn't yet fled the apartment, and the hell that Seishirou has put him through.

He opens the door cautiously, cheeks flushed with shame. He fervently hopes that Seishirou has gone on his business, but the man sits quietly at the counter of his kitchenette, an ashtray in front of him and a cigarette in one hand. The curtains of the room are also drawn, the man is wreathed in a heavy, oppressing darkness. He is still, like the shadow of a giant vulture. At the sound of the door, he looks up slightly at the figure of the Sumeragi, tears spilling down the boy's cheeks.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Subaru-kun," the Sakurazukamori says coolly. No smile. No feeling. Just a 'good morning.' 

Subaru-kun freezes for a moment, wondering what to say. What could he say? What could he possibly say that would change anything? It is obvious now that despite everything, he belongs to Seishirou. Seishirou made him his last night…and he hadn't even the chance to offer resistance.

"Let me go," the Sumeragi finally whispers, his voice breathy, racked by the uncontrolled sobs of his body.

Seishirou says nothing, turning back to his cigarette, and staring into the darkness, looking anywhere but at Subaru.

"Let me go," the Sumeragi insists again, his entire fragile frame shaking with the effort of the passion of his words. "I don't want you in my life anymore."

Seishirou sits quietly, listening to Subaru begin his angry tirade. Let him expend his emotions. It has obviously been too long since the boy has let himself go like this.

"LET ME GO!" Subaru shouts, clenching a fist, taking a step forward towards Seishirou. His eyes are green daggers, boring angrily into Seishirou's frame, trying to pierce him with the sheer force of all his pain and shame. "I don't want you in my life, Sakurazukamori." He spits the title like a plague. "I hate you! I wish I'd never met you, I wish you'd never come in on my life!"

::You taint everything you touch.::

"I want another chance at life," the young onmyouji continues, some of his heat expelled. He now stares at the ceiling, as if hoping for strength from the gods. "I want to take a chance at life again, on my own. Let me go!"

Seishirou sets down his cigarette slowly, and turns to look at Subaru. For a moment, the boy trembles, but he remembers what the Sakurazukamori did to him last night, and his anger gives him strength to face his adversary.

"I want to leave. I want you out of my life. I want it back again, untouched by you."

Subaru pauses, looking at Seishirou's expression. The other man betrays nothing, just simply stares back at Subaru. Subaru looks longer, Seishirou's silence reinforcing his flagging willpower. What does he see behind the veil of darkness? A flash of pity? Subaru is about to wonder, but it disappears as quickly as it comes. Did he even see it there?

"I'm leaving." Subaru turns away. Seishirou makes no effort to stop him. He walks to the door, gathering what is left of his pride and dignity. He hopes this is the last time he has to see these walls.

Subaru has his hand on the chill metal of the doorknob before Seishirou finally speaks. "You could have left any time, Subaru-kun," the assassin says quietly. "You were always free to go." He gestures, a simple movement of the arm that suggests that Subaru should proceed.

The Sumeragi does, even though Seishirou's words were a lie. "Goodbye, Seishirou-san," he says stiffly. No thanks for his 'hospitality,' no thanks for anything, only lingering feelings of anger and hatred. 

Will Seishirou really leave him alone? Has Seishirou really let him go? That, he doubts. But nevertheless, he has told the man what he wanted to. He opens the door quickly, walks out, and lets it slam behind him. Then he breaks into a run in the hall, trying desperately to get away before the Sakurazukamori decides he wants to keep his prey after all.

Seishirou lights another cigarette, the orange glow of the burning tobacco the sole source of any light in the dark room. He let Subaru go. As a wise man should. A small part of him examines himself critically.

{Why did you do it, Sakurazukamori?}

Seishirou exhales, and taps the ash from the butt of his cigarette. 

{Because you cried in your sleep, Subaru-kun.}

End _Hunter_


	3. My Life

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Carry Your Reflection

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Chapter Three: My Life

By Seishuku Skuld (skuldsai@magicgirl.com)

Series: Tokyo Babylon/X

Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru

Warnings: Angst. Don't read this fic if you can't take it. It only begins from here. ^_~

This chapter is dedicated to: Souma Crystal! ^_~ Because she never gets my yaoi jokes. ^_^ Don't worry Crystal, you will one day….I hope. ^^;;

*~*~*~*~*~

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Sakura petals, and the scent of blood.

::Seishirou-san…:: a disembodied voice, floating in a void of crimson and pink.

A cold smile, an emotionless grin of death.

A feeling of betrayal, a falling shifuku stained with scarlet.

::Hokuto-chan…::

An endless emptiness.

Subaru wakes from his nightmare, sitting up and gasping for breath. There is a cold sheen of sweat covering his body, and the wind from his open window chills him to the bone. He shivers, trying to block out the voices from his dream, although they are already fading.

Subaru clutches the sheets to his body, his eyes wide open, staring at his bedroom, dimly lit by the dawning sun. He closes his eyes, centers his magic, and searches within himself for magical traces that the Sakurazukamori has been interfering with his dreams.

Nothing. No flaring of the inverted pentagrams on the backs of his hands. No lingering feeling of Seishirou's prescence. Subaru lets out a relieved sigh. It has been over a week since his little 'incident' with the assassin, and he is expecting at any moment for the man to reel him back into the game, wanting a pass at his favorite toy. It has happened almost every week since Hokuto's death, the Sakurazukamori toying with him somehow. Seishirou speaking to him in his dreams, manipulating his dreamscape, another one of the games he loves to play with 'his' Subaru-kun.

But there hasn't been anything yet, no residual magic from the man, no feeling of his presence. The Sakurazukamori has been silent. For over a week. Subaru frowns, wondering if this just another game. He nods. Probably. Nevertheless… he throws the covers from him, and gets dressed.

::This is my life. Seishirou has no right to interfere. I no longer belong to him.:: 

Subaru tries to say that with conviction, but he still finds some doubts within himself. He dresses quickly, eats a hasty, meagre breakfast and checks his fax machine. To his surprise, he finds nothing waiting for him. Apparently, his services and skills as an onmyouji are not needed today. Subaru heaves a small sigh of relief, it is a rare occasion for him to be able to enjoy a day of solitude uninteruppted by work. He has no doubts that another fax will come in later, but for now, Subaru decides to escape for a while.

He leaves the apartment, locking the door, and stepping out into the morning sunlight. Even at this time of morning, the city of Tokyo is rife with life, shops opening, people dot the sidewalks, making the morning commute to work.

Ueno Park is also beginning to fill with people at this time, a few young girls sit on the grass, chatting before school beings. So different from the park at night, the sakura that reside in the park stand tall and majestic in the morning sun.

Subaru is not there for Seishirou today. He goes to be close to his sister, and her place of rest. If he could define rest as being locked inside a belligerent sakura tree.

He walks up to the giant sakura, placing a hand upon its wide trunk. If he listens closely, he can hear the spirits inside calling to him, he can hear their keening whine, a call for him to join them. There is no way to differentiate the spirits, they are like one large pool, losing the memories of their lives; identities stripped away by the tree, slave to feeding its immense power. 

His sister is there...in there somewhere. Subaru closes his eyes, but he cannot hear her. Her wail is just one among many, a drop in the oceanic cry of the trapped ghosts. He wonders if she even remembers him, if she, somehow, has remained herself. Though she had little onmyou powers, Subaru still hopes that maybe she remembers, that his prescence will comfort her. He comes to Ueno Park today, to be with his twin sister. 

The day slowly passes, and people walk by, people sit on the grass, people admire the tree. They ignore the solitary figure sitting beneath the greatest of the sakura, his cheek pressed against its smooth trunk, dreaming again. 

*** 

_::Seishirou...san?::_

Subaru blinks, the world coming into focus. He is standing beneath the great tree, its pink petals suspended in the air like a floating still-frame. He looks around, the vision before him shrouded in impenetrable darkness. 

_::Seishirou...san?::_

Subaru whips around, confronting the figure behind. The assassin has a cold smile on his face, an icy gleam in the one eye, and a strange warmth emanating from the milky white one. Subaru frowns, hesistating for a moment, trying to decide if this Seishirou in his dream is real, or merely a figment of his crazed imagination. 

Seishirou plucks a small sakura flower from the air, closing his fingers around it and removing it from the intricate tapestry of pink on black. "Subaru-kun," Seishirou smiles, placing the flower to his lips and kissing it. 

Subaru frowns and reaches towards the assassin with his magical powers. The threads of energy reach past the assassin, going through his figure and disappearing into the inky blackness of a dream-night. 

He isn't real. Another dream-induced illusion. But as real as Subaru wants him to be. 

Seishirou ignores the spiritual powers that Subaru sent at him and walks slowly to the young onmyouji. Subaru feels his pulse quicken, although this Seishirou is as insubstantial as the air before him. 

_::You're just a dream.::_

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou's honeyed voice glides over his skin like smooth silk, "you are mine." He puts his arms around the boy's shoulders, and Subaru feels himself stiffen involuntarily at the contact. Seishirou puts the sakura flower he kissed to Subaru's lips, and instructs him. "Drink." 

Subaru blinks, uncomprehending, seeing nothing but a five-pointed flower in Seishirou's hands. Wordlessly, he opens his mouth a little, and a sweet, thick liquid pours in his mouth with a rush. Subaru chokes a bit, and pushes the sweet fragrance away. He sputters and coughs, clutching his throat. 

"Do it slowly, Subaru-kun," the Sakurazukamori whispers in his ear. Subaru jerks away from him, his twin emerald eyes burning with hurt. 

_::Stop it!::_

Subaru backs away from dream-Seishirou. 

_::I don't belong to you, anymore.::_

"Oh, is that so, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou says, a coldly amused smile on his face. 

_::You are not the Seishirou I loved.::_

"Sakurazuka Seishirou never existed," Seishirou laughs, and suddenly his eyes turn warm, a kind smile appearing. 

Subaru shakes his head. 

_::Then you mean nothing to me.::_

A wind begins to pick up, rustling the branches of the tree, pushing aside the pink flowers suspended in the air. 

_::I am no longer yours.::_

Seishirou extends his arms as if aching for an embrace, and says sweetly, "Subaru-kun." 

_::No, this is my life.::_

Subaru backs away again, panicked, calling for his body to wake up. 

_::This is my life! And you have no part in it!::_

"But Subaru-kun...I love you..." 

_::No!::_

Subaru cries out as the petals of the flowers in the air detach themselves from their intricate lattice and wrap around him. 

_::You're lying!::_

The flowers form a fragrant vine, wrapping themselves around Subaru's waist, his arms... 

_::Let me go!::_

Subaru struggles, his mind flying to his conscious body still sitting in slumber in Ueno Park. 

_::WAKE UP!::_

"Subaru-kun...you can't leave me..." Seishirou has a pleading look on his face, a yearning in his eyes. For a moment, Subaru almost stays in his dreamscape. 

_::Sayonara, Seishirou-san.::_

Subaru smiles a little, quietly. Not even the dream-Seishirou can keep him here. 

_::This is my life. Goodbye, Sakurazuka Seishirou-san.::_

*** 

Back in Ueno Park, Subaru opens his eyes, drawing air into his lungs. He looks around, it is already dusk. He chides himself for sleeping for so long. Tomorrow, it is back to his daily routine. He stands up, brushing off his white coat, and bidding his sister's spirit farewell. 

A small flower floats from the tree, and Subaru catches it in his hand, examining its delicately balanced star-like petals. He raises the flower gently to his lips, and kisses it. There is a sweet taste to the flower's soft skin, its pink glow winks up at him invitingly, but he declines what it has to offer him. 

Subaru opens his palm, and the small thing flies off, carried out of sight by the wind. 

_::This is my life. Sayonara, Seishirou-san.::_

End _My Life_


	4. Honestly OK

Carry Your Reflection Chapter Four: Honestly OK 

by Seishuku Skuld (skuldsai@magicgirl.com)

Series: Tokyo Babylon/X

Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru

Warning: implied non-consensual sex, violence/blood/murder/death (and other Seishirou type things)

This chapter dedicated to: Tsukiyono Omi. ^_^  My dearest.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Seishirou puts down the book he has been reading.  He closes its hardcover tome with a sigh.  His mind keeps wandering, not in the mood for long Russian novels.  Somehow, Crime and Punishment just isn't suited to his tastes at the moment.  Especially with the Tree keening with hunger.  Seishirou sighs in the empty darkness of his apartment, the tree's ethereal voice echoing eerily in his head.  

He walks to his closet, shrugging on his trench coat and his shoes.  It has been two weeks since he has the fed the great sakura, and he can feel its primitive discontentment at his negligence.  Seishirou grabs a pack of cigarettes sitting on the kitchen counter, and instinctively reaches for the lighter lying next to it.  His hand pauses for a moment as it closes over the familiar cool plastic.

It had dropped on the floor _that_ night.  The night that he had fallen, had lost control.  The night that he had Subaru and tried to make the boy his.  It must have slipped out of the pocket of the boy's jeans or trench coat, when he was undressing Subaru.  It must have landed on the carpet quietly, because he did not discover the small thing lying there until the morning, after the boy had said his goodbye and left.

Seishirou closes his eyes and remembers the night.  He remembers sliding the thin garments from Subaru's slender, fragile body.  He remembers the feel of his flesh against Subaru's, the silky soft texture of that gracefully curved neck, the pleasure of the unresisting body beneath him.  

He remembers the despair at seeing those glittering liquid crystals on the boy's cheeks, making their slow descent down the soft skin only to disappear into the fabric of the pillow.  He would have stopped there had he not been too far gone; when the deed was done, he had fled the room, picking his clothes up hastily.  Subaru had lain on the bed, his eyelids leaking tears like some grotesque, shattered doll.  For some strange reason, Subaru had frightened him then.  It had been an irrational emotional impulse, but Subaru had frightened him, his arms outspread, legs open, head lolling to the side like a broken toy.  

Nothing ever scared the Sakurazukamori.  Not the thought of death, not the sight of pools of blood, not even the thought of the end of the world.  But Subaru had unnerved him sufficiently that he had to grope in the living room for his cigarettes to calm his frayed nerves. 

Seishirou takes the lighter from the counter and puts it in his pocket.  Subaru's lighter.  It is a silly little thing to keep around, since there's hardly any fluid left in it, but nevertheless he still keeps it with him.  A little trinket, the only thing left of Subaru that he hasn't ruined.  He considered returning it to the Sumeragi, but he'd doubted if the boy wanted to see him again.  Well, Seishirou had shrugged, Subaru was not to be blamed for that.

Seishirou leaves his apartment, closing the door quietly and stepping out into the hallway.  It is night, and the dim lights flickering only seem to make for depressing his mood even further.

The midnight air refreshes him as he walks out the door, breathing in deeply the air so different from the stale atmosphere of his own apartment.  He wonders who he will find tonight.  He has met actors, strippers, writers, musicians, scientists, students, criminals…and they all begged for their lives.  They pleaded, cried, screamed, and they were all killed.  He cared nothing for them, if the Sakurazukamori wanted a kill, nothing would stop him.  Or so always thought, until he would remember Subaru-kun.  But that was now a mystery that Seishirou did not want to touch.  

It's a quiet part of the city that he walks to, mostly small shops and restaurants, all closed.  The street is completely deserted, save for the presence of the subdued buzzing of the occasional street lamps shining through the darkness.  Empty, save for a two people standing in the shadows of a tall building.  They are wrapped in each others arms, oblivious to the night world about them, oblivious to the fact that Seishirou is stealing upon them in the darkness.

Seishirou isn't the mood for a long, arduous process, and as he is walking past the couple he quickly weaves an illusion about them.  He makes quick business of one of them, a male, grabbing the neck and wrenching the pitiful body backwards as he impales the chest on his other hand.

A scream cuts through the air, but is absorbed by the fabric of the illusion. Warm blood coats his hand and creeps up the sleeves of his coat, but he tosses the lifeless body aside.  It crumples on the ground in an unkempt heap, a pool of crimson blood growing about it.

Seishirou advances slowly on the remaining figure.  The tree will have two souls tonight.  The lone figure backs towards the wall, eyes frightened but strangely calm, emerald pools of crushed innocence staring back at the Sakurazukamori.

Seishirou smiles, the darkness shrouding his features.  It is a young boy he has cornered, probably still of high school age, most likely out in the night for a frolick with a lover.  Two boys on a midnight tryst.  How cute.  

"Isn't it a little past your bedtime, little boy?" Seishirou asks.

The boy eyes the body lying on the cement, the scarlet blood already cooling.  Tears spring to his eyes as he whispers a name.  "Kazuhiro."  The gaze travels from the corpse to Seishirou with a wicked grin on his face.  "What did you do?" the boy asks quietly.

"Should be obvious enough," Seishirou says with a shrug.  He wonders what it is that makes him spare this young boy a few more moments of life.  Seishirou frowns, finding an enigmatic reluctance to quickly end this boy's life.  Something about those sparkling green eyes… "I've killed him."

"…Why?"

"Don't you know it's dangerous on your own in the city at night?" Seishirou continues, lighting a cigarette, closing his fingers about Subaru's lighter.  He ignores the boy's suffering look, the adrenaline rush through his body giving him an erotic high as he closes on his prey.  "Someone might get killed."

There is a long, pained silence from the boy as he closes his eyes.  Tears begin pouring down his cheeks, but he makes no move to wipe them away.  "But it is the only time we can be together," he replied quietly, his breath shaking with sobs.  "Are you going to kill me too?"

Seishirou arches an eyebrow, impressed.  The boy, with his lover taken away from him in front of his eyes, can still speak coherently.  The assassin expects the boy to crumple as well, begging for mercy, but no such plea comes.  Seized by an irrational rise of emotion, Seishirou reaches out and grips the boy's thin, slender throat tightly.  "Maybe not.  What if I let you live?"

Tears, glittering in the ephemeral light of the moon.  Diamond drops from twin emerald jewels.  Glass rain traveling down a pale cheek.  Seishirou shivers.

"I don't want to live," the boy replies, his body slack, unresisting in Seishirou's iron hold.

"And why not?" Seishirou asks, calming himself down and getting a hold on the sudden pathos that had surged up within him.

The boy shakes his head.  "If Kazuhiro is dead, then I have no will to live."

"What if you were to live anyway?"

The boy shakes his head.  "Then I'd be lonely.  So lonely that I wouldn't even want to be with myself anymore.  Kazuhiro is the one I want to be together with.  If Kazuhiro is dead then…"

A pause.  The boy makes a decision.

"Kill me too, please."

"Why?"

"Because I can't live without Kazuhiro."

Seishirou poises his hand for the kill.

"Because Kazuhiro is the only one I want to be with.  I don't want to be with anyone else.  Life is nothing without him.  So please kill me."

"What's your name, boy?" Seishirou asks with a frown, his heart suddenly thumping in his chest.

"Kouru."

"Well, Kouru-san, I'll let you say goodbye to your Kazuhiro-san."  Just a simple thrust away, and his business is done for the night.  Just a thrust away, and Seishirou has paused.  Kouru smiles back up at him.  Why didn't the boy resist?

A broken puppet with severed strings, lying on the bed half covered in rumpled bedsheets.  A broken puppet with a macabre, frigid grin.

The boy shakes his head, the tears still spilling down his face.  But Kouru still stands amidst his pain.  "It's not goodbye, because I want to see him again."

A teenager with a deathwish.  Seishirou smiles coldly, though his own body has gone chill with ice.  "Sayonara, Kouru-san."

Not even the warm blood cascading over him can warm his soul, because the peaceful smile freezes his heart.

***

Seishirou steps back in his apartment, throwing his shirt into the bathtub for a good wash.  It is almost soaked through, leaving a trail of vermilion behind on the clean white porcelain.  Seishirou sighs as he absentmindedly turns on the cold water.

A boy named Kouru, who had watched his lover die.  Who had refused to lose his lover, and followed him willingly in death.  A fragile boy, devoted and unresisting.  Seishirou had never met one of those, much less killed one.

Seishirou looks at himself in the mirror, a crooked grin on his face.  Another mask to hide the emptiness inside him.  "You're a mess, Sakurazukamori," he says, and the mirror responds likewise with a lopsided, but sad smile.

_A sad smile, and a waterfall of silver tears._

"Goodbye, Kouru-san."

Another victim.  Done and done.  Another mindless soul among the thousands trapped in the tree, stripped of its humanity and identity, slave to the og power the great sakura.  Another fragmented memory lost in time.

{It's time you let go, Seishirou.}

The Sakurazuka concurs with himself.  He takes the lighter out of his pocket, examining its white plastic surface.  It is a cheap lighter, the kind found in convenience stores.  It is nearly empty, and Seishirou feels it cannot offer him much more.  Everything, he tells himself, is as it should be.  Everything is okay.   He tosses it in the air, catching the small thing as it spins in the air.

"Sayonara, Subaru-kun," he says before tossing it in the trash.  

End _Honestly Okay_


	5. Don't Think of Me

**Carry Your Reflection**   
_Chapter Five: Don't Think of Me_   
  
By Seishuku Skuld (skuldsai@magicgirl.com) 

  
Series: X/TB   
Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru (eventually…heh…^^;;) 

Warnings: more angst! It just keeps on coming. ^_^ And trippiness. O_o;;   
This chapter is dedicated to: Destra! My favorite yaoi buddy in arms. ^_~ 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seishirou wakes with a horrible emptiness in his stomach. He sits up in his bed, his thin bedsheets falling to the floor. Around him is a still, oppressive silence. Seishirou searches the room with his senses, but finds no presence. Then, he looks about the room with his magic, and finds something that makes his stomach roll off the bed. 

He can't use his magic. He gropes in his mind for his center, his link to the sakura tree. He finds the bond in his mind, a solid cord of power joining him with….nothing. 

{Oh my god.} 

And in his panic and confusion, Seishirou's mind flies to the only one who has the power to do something to him: Sumeragi Subaru. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

Subaru sighs, falling tiredly onto his bed. He comes back from another late-night job, hungry and exhausted, too fatigued to get up and get some food. Life has been fairly good to him these past few months, since saying goodbye to Seishirou in his dream. He hasn't seen trace nor shadow of the man, as if Seishirou is deliberately avoiding him. As if Seishirou has just completely disappeared, and if it weren't for the pentacles carved into the backs of his hands, Subaru would wonder whether the last few years had just been one feverish dream. 

The radio is still on, droning on quietly, a sea awash with softly rich tones, wrapping him in a blanket of quietness.   


_I want happiness…I only want your happiness, knowing I can't become yours._   


And in the stillness of his room, Subaru's sleep-fogged mind ponders the meaning of happiness, and the emptiness of the dream that comes upon him. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seishirou takes a long drag on his cigarette, drawing the smoke into his lungs. He enjoys the slight burn, and the nicotine rush he gets. It relaxes him and relieves him. He stands near the tree, one hand protectively on its smooth bark, ignoring the fact that it is also there to support him. 

He had nearly panicked when his magic had cut out on him. The first thing he'd done was get himself out to Ueno Park, and to the tree. By then, his magic had returned, and the link within his mind to the sakura was now as solid as it had ever been. 

Seishirou closes his eyes, enjoying the peacefulness of the empty park. A few cars drive by, but he ignores their sounds and pushes them to the back of his mind. Why, he wonders to himself, did his magic temporarily disappear? It was a strange thing, lost and floundered without the tree as a guide. 

Seishirou considered himself a fairly skilled onmyouji, capable of more sophisticated and intricate work than the Sumeragi head, although his own power was barely half of Subaru's without the tree. He was proud of his work and how did it. 

{Sumeragi Subaru-kun.} 

Unable to find any answers to his questions, Seishirou begins his trek home, still deeply unnerved. He had checked the tree for any signs of magic, and there were none save for his own. No one had tampered with the tree, there were no residual magical energies. For all he knew, he could have imagined that his magic had just died on him. But he knew that wasn't true either. 

{Sumeragi Subaru. You have something to do with this, don't you?} 

Seishirou walks back his apartment, flicking his cigarette butt onto the pavement and crushing it with the heel of his shoe. He wants to convince himself that the Sumeragi has nothing to do with it, but a feeling at the bottom of his stomach tells him contrary. 

{I've left you alone Subaru-kun, what more do you want?} 

And far off, a car rushes by with a popular pop song blaring from its speakers. 

__

_When my not minding the lonliness_   
_Was only ignorance of my bliss with you_   
_When my pain of lonliness_   
_Was but my learning to fear of losing you_

Seishirou closes his eyes as the vehicle and its infernal noise recedes into the distance. Something twists inside him as he walks past a small café, silhouetted shadows of two figures intertwined in the lonely light of the dark street. 

For a small moment, Seishirou wonders if Kouru can come back haunt him, if his brief loss of magic can mean souls escaping from the sakura. Then he pauses and snorts, taking out a new lighter. Of course not, such things were silly. No one marked for death ever escaped his tree. 

{Subaru-kun.} 

Reaching the door to his apartment, Seishirou dismisses that thought from his mind. The Sumeragi Subaru he had known, had spent a year with, was already dead. He'd killed him the day the bet came to a close. As far as he knows, the new Subaru is beyond the boundaries of the rules of his little bet. 

{Does it bother you?} 

No. Seishirou firmly tells himself. It's better this way. 

Seishirou slips out of his shoes, hanging his dark trench coat on his coat rack. He steps into the bathroom, fills up the sink, and washes his face. A little attempt to refresh himself and clear his mind. 

He lifts his face up, water dripping from his temples, droplets falling down his face in large, carved rivulets. His eyes grow wider. 

Kouru stares back at him, silver tears traveling down his cheeks like fresh spring rain. 

_Don't think of me, Seishirou-san._

{Kouru.} 

Subaru stares back at him accusingly, his emerald eyes blazing, crystalline flames creeping from long black lashes. 

_Don't think of me, Seishirou-san._

{Subaru.} 

Seishirou gropes quickly for his towel, closing his eyes and bringing the thing in front of him, covering his vision as he wipes himself try. Only then does he dare look up, and all he sees is a disconcerted Sakurazukamori holding a red washcloth. Seishirou doesn't need to check to know his magic has cut out on him again. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Subaru wakes up, stretching his muscles in the morning and yawning. Today, he has another day off. Subaru gets dressed and shuffles off into his small kitchenette to scramble some eggs for his breakfast. He chews thoughtfully, wondering what he should do for the day. He shrugs, dumping the plate into the sink. He decides to go for a walk in Tokyo. Subaru slips on his boots, grabs his keys, and walks out of the apartment. 

As a child, Subaru had always seemed rather a loner, preferring his own quiet solitude. Today, however, Subaru buries himself in the masses of people that crowd the streets of Tokyo. Everywhere there is the bustle of life about him, loud conversations, girls laughing, boys talking, the honk of cars in the street. Subaru smiles, and finds that he still remains satisfyingly alone in the mob of people. None take especial note of him (except for the occasional giggling schoolgirl who points him out to her friend). To them, he's just another passerby, another face among the millions that throng the city during the day. Subaru finds this quite comforting, locked in his own bubble, floating amidst the people. 

His feet carry them where they will, and he will occasionally stop at a shop to idly browse, or walk into in a music store and buy a CD. Bright posters hawk the rising fame of a young Japanese-American pop diva, a spritely girl who went by the name, "Isobel." Subaru scans the dark tones of the CD, scanning the track list. He recognizes the title song as the one he heard on the radio last night. He shrugs, and takes it to the register. He figures he might as well spend the money he earns on something. 

Subaru walks out of the shop, the CD tucked into the pocket of his coat. Before he knows it, he looks around and finds himself in Ikebukuro facing the towering Sunshine 60 building. Subaru sighs, the place bringing back memories, not at all unpleasant. With nothing else to do with his day, Subaru walks in and decides to pay a visit to the penguins. 

"Hello, penguin-san," Subaru grins, leaning on the railing. A penguin stares back at him curiously, head cocked to the side. "Are you guys doing all right?" 

The penguin looks at him with its beady black eyes, and caws a response. 

Subaru laughs, almost as if he's sixteen years old again. "I'll take that as a yes, penguin-san." Subaru sighs, watching the penguin waddling off to join his mates. He remembers, from what seems such a short time ago, a hasty date with Seishirou here. He remembers rushing into the building, running up the stairs to the aquarium, accidentally bumping into people. He remembers seeing Seishirou's smiling face as he conversed with the penguins. 

"Seishirou-san," Subaru murmurs, his face lighting up with the memory. Then he shakes his head and frowns. 

::The Seishirou I knew is dead to me.:: 

Subaru shakes his head, and turns away to walk out of the building. The Sunshine 60 holds too many bittersweet memories for the Sumeragi. Today, in particular, Subaru wishes to forget some of the more painful ones. He puts Seishirou firmly from his mind. 

_Don't think of me, Subaru-kun._

It is getting late already, the sky is starting to darken, and the people of Tokyo are making their way home, still laughing, talking, and joking with each other. His stomach grumbles, reminding him he's hungry. Then Subaru grins like a teenager again, and begins heading home. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seishirou sits on the edge of his bed, his eyes closed, his hands grasping the sheets. He attempts to stop the waves of panic that wash over him every time his link with the tree disappears. 

{Subaru-kun, what have you done to me?} 

The sweat of concentration covers his brow, and Seishirou twitches involuntarily a few times. He works restoring his breathing to a regular pace, he works on calming down his thumping heart. He tries valiantly not to think of what consequences this will have for him. 

{Subaru-kun, what the hell did you do?} 

No answer comes from the darkness. Seishirou opens his eyes and sees Subaru staring back at him in the mirror, his wide green eyes frightened. 

Seishirou closes his eyes again, grimacing at the image he saw in the mirror opposite him. 

{Now I'm seeing things.} 

Seishirou opens his eyes tentatively, feeling his bond with tree lock into place again. But he doesn't know how long that's going to last. 

The tree whines. 

Seishirou sighs, and with a shrug, he gets up to satisfy his needs, hoping against hope that his powers won't abandon him during the kill. The thought of that sends his throat to the bottom of his stomach. 

He walks into the bathroom, washing his hands and wiping the sweat from his face. Just as he is about to walk out, he turns around and looks at the small white lighter sitting forlornly atop the trash pile. 

Seishirou reaches for it, taking it off the top of a paper towel. He stares at the small thing sitting in the palm his hand for a moment, and puts it into his pocket. 

End _Don't Think of Me_   



	6. Isobel

Carry Your Reflection Chapter Six: Isobel 

by Seishuku Skuld (skuldhotohori@yahoo.com)

Edited by Amberlee (amberlee@fanfiction.net)

Author's Notes: I can't believe I got inspired for this fic over a month ago.

Wow, and I'm barely halfway through it. ^_^

Excuse me if I don't quite even know what I'm doing. **sweatdrop**

Sorry for keeping you guys waiting for so long.  I had a bad case of writer's block, and a lot of work to do for an Auron costume for ShoujoCon. ^^;;  This chapter has also gone through rather extensive revisions.  Let's all give Amberlee a pat on the back. ^_^  Thanks go to her for this great chapter! ^_^  **clap clap**

This chapter is dedicated to: Chiko Ri.  We'll make a yaoi fan of you yet.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Subaru collapses on the bed, rolling over sleepily.  Another late night job.  He sighs.

::I have to stop doing these.::

There is a certain pleasure to helping his clients-the relief in their eyes, the smiles on their faces, the aura of happiness that surrounds them is reward enough for him.  Subaru sighs and buries his head in the pillow, his mind only tangentially aware of his stereo and its soothing song in the background.

Subaru closes his eyes, his fingers grasping at the CD case lying by his side.  He stares at the cover; at the grinning Japanese-American pop star and her bright eyes.

"Isobel."  He murmurs the singer's name, turning the jewel case in his hands.  Isobel grins at her reflection in a mirror - one of her faces a picture of happiness.  Her counterpart stares back at her with a look of melancholy longing.

「幸せになりたい。。。

    幸せになりたい。。。

    貴方と幸せになりたい

    貴方の幸せになりたい

    だからつれてって

    ここじゃないどこかへ。。。」

I want happiness… 

_I want happiness…_

_To be happy with you_

_To be your happiness_

_So take me_

_To anywhere but here…_

Subaru suddenly looks up, his arms pushing himself from the pillow.  He sits up rather tiredly, blinking in the moonlight.  

"Isobel."  He murmurs the name as he rises from the bed and throws the windows open.  Wind spills into his apartment, disturbing his dark curtains and the unkempt tufts of short raven hair that were once exact reflections of his twin's.  

"What makes you happy, Isobel?" Subaru asks, his fingers reaching out in an attempt to grasp the elusive slivers of moonlight.  He leans out the window, crying to the moon for strength for his answer.  A thin, frail arm extends itself to the twinkling sky.  His hand opens, cupping the soft moonlight in his palm, pleading to the gods that he may keep a piece of it for himself.  

Subaru chokes back a cry, staving off the wave of despair that threatens to overwhelm him.  Nevertheless, a small sob finds its way out from the depths of Subaru's chest as the sliver of moonbeam in his hand escapes him.  He gasps and withdraws his hand quickly, clasping it to his chest.

He waits for an answer to his question.

「貴方といるだけで幸せな私

    貴方が微笑むだけで幸せな私」

The me that is happy just to be with you 

_The me that is happy just for your smile_

But the question just echoes back.

::What makes you happy, Subaru?::

「現実を忘れるように

夢幻にいられるように

ずっと貴方を想っていられるように。。。」

To forget the reality 

_To be in my reveries_

_To always be thinking of you_

Subaru lets his hands drop.  He closes his eyes and lets the moon's ephemeral rays bathe his face, reveling in their feather-light touches.  He lets the echoes continue ringing in his ears.  

::What makes you happy, Subaru?::

He knows what makes others happy. Everyday, he sees their smiles of gratitude as he assuages their worst fears.  Be it a rogue spirit, or a vengeful ancestor, he is always rewarded with their thanks; the relief that their lives can continue uninterrupted.

Subaru always smiles back at them, bowing politely, hiding the emptiness that their smiles cannot fill.  He always goes back home and falls onto his bed, his mask slipping from lifeless fingers as the stillness of his room suffocates him.  Subaru always lays awake in bed, their faces and their joys already fading.

There is only one face and one joy he wants.

「初めての私の想い 

    最後の私の願い。。。」

My first thought 

_my last wish…_

Subaru snatches at his evasive thoughts.  His mouth opens, and forms a sound, perhaps the beginnings of a name.

「私をつれてって。。。」

So take me… 

As abruptly as Subaru has realized its lyrics, the song dies.  Stark echoes fly about his room, filling the small space with soft, subliminal voices.

The word dies on Subaru's lips, unfinished, as he bursts into tears.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Seishirou is out in the middle of the night. He roams the streets of the city, fulfilling the Tree's desire for blood.  He can feel the Tree sitting in the back of his mind, impatiently awaiting its meal.

He glides silently through the darkness, the scent of flowers wafting about his form. He selects his target.  A lone figure paces back in forth in the darkness, its silhouette lighted only by a flickering streetlamp a few steps away.

Seishirou continues to walk.  He throws his cigarette to the side of the street, forgotten in the midst of the hunter's stalk.  He approaches the figure-obviously a woman.  She is humming a popular tune softly, stepping to the slow rhythm of the song.  Her long legs move back and forth in an intricate dance step.

Suddenly, she turns around and sees the assassin approaching.  For a moment she seems suspicious, but then realization gradually dawns.  

"Seishirou-san!" she exclaims in surprise, "what are you doing on the streets so late at night?"

The Sakurazuka is for a moment taken aback, but quickly regains his composure.  He curses his fortune.  "Just out for a late night stroll, Ashley-san," Seishirou replies, forcing his hands nonchalantly into his pockets.  "I'm having trouble sleeping tonight."  

"Well," the girl grins, "you're not the only one."  She laughs, her voice ringing clearly through the night.  She is simply a waitress at a small café; one that Seishirou and Subaru frequented during their year together.  The Sakurazuka still eats there once in a while, and the foreign girl knows him well.  She continues her talk, oblivious to Seishirou's intentions.  "I just went clubbing.  There's a nice club around here; have to be a member to get in though."

"I see," Seishirou nods, finding himself oddly reluctant to silence the girl speaking to him so animatedly.  He will miss her flirtations in the café, and her friendly smile.  "I don't go clubbing."  But, she is the selected victim of the Sakurazukamori.  And once selected, he cannot let the prey escape.  

"Oh, I see.  Well, it's not for everyone.  The Clover's pretty wild, anyway.  I'm just waiting here for my boyfriend to pick me up."  The waitress grins.  "We first met here, so I like to meet him here at night."

"I see," Seishirou smiles.  Extending his powers into the street around them he constructs an illusion.  The vision rises from the ground - twisting its way about reality, shrouding the phantom buildings in the night.  They envelop the pair - crawling like sanguine vines, spreading out - growing until the sorcery is thick and impenetrable.  To the girl, it appears as if the streetlight has suddenly winked out.  The scent of cherry blossoms begins drifting through the still night air.

"S-Seishirou-san?" Ashley frowns, her hand suddenly moving to grasp his trench coat.  The feel of the fabric is smooth beneath her fingers; her grip slips from the dark cloth in surprise.  "It's gone dark!  I can't see!"  Seishirou puts a steadying hand on her shoulder. About them wafts the smell of death, the essence of blood.  The scent of all the Sakurazukmori's victims clings to his coat. The girl closes her eyes, irrationally frightened.  She finds that it is no less dark.

"It's okay," the assassin soothes, moving backwards a step.   He draws his hand back for the kill.  It will be quick and effective.  He pulls the Tree's presence into his mind, searching for power through their link.  "The streetlight has just gone out."  

Ashley looks up as Seishirou draws his hand back.  All she sees is inky blackness  "I—"

**"I can't see the moon."**

Subaru looks up at Seishirou, his emerald eyes shining with terror.  Seishirou's breath stops.  The Sumeragi stands before him, mired in a world of endless darkness; his hands folded over his heart.  Subaru gazes pleadingly at Seishirou, his verdant eyes full of unfulfilled longing.

Seishirou's own eyes widen with shock; his lips open imperceptibly.  It is too late for the assassin to prevent own hand plunging toward the kill.

{NO!}

The spell crackles and fizzles, dissipating into the air.  The link between Seishirou and tree severs with a resounding magical _snap!  _The illusion slowly unwinds itself, falling away like thin skeins of water, collapsing and disappearing into nothingness.  Seishirou's hand stops mere inches shy of the girl's chest.

"Seishirou-san?" Ashley instinctively moves closer to him, her thin figured huddled in fright, "what was that?"

"I…I'm not sure," Seishirou gasps, an arm coming to wrap about the girl's frail shoulders.  "I don't know."  And Seishirou realizes with momentary panic, that this is very true.  Regardless, he decides quickly, taking the foreigner into his arms.  The kill must be made.

"I'm scared, Seishirou-san," Ashley confesses. Her fist closes once more about Seishirou's trench coat.  She wraps her arms around his neck.

"It's all right," Seishirou lies, "there's nothing to be afraid of."  He brings his hand to the back of her neck, pretending to smooth her hair.  

"Nothing to be afraid of," the Sakurazukamori repeats, consoling both the girl and himself.  He brings other hand about her chin.  Seishirou tilts her head up gently and bends down.  The girl closes her eyes.  Seishirou smiles and with a deft flick of his arm, the girl slumps dead into his arms, her head lolling at an unnatural angle.

Seishirou smirks; satisfied.  It isn't the best way to kill, but it suited the circumstances.  He takes the body in his arms, cradling the young waitress's head.  The assassin reaches out to the Tree again, and finds it waiting for him, their link locking once more into place.  Seishirou weaves another deathly illusion.  Holding the girl's slowly cooling corpse, he heads for Ueno Park.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

::No!::

Subaru sits up, gasping.  Another nightmare.

He glances at the clock, noting that it is too early in the morning to be up and about.

Lying back in bed, Subaru waits for his heartbeat to slow.  He reaches over to his stereo, and turns the CD player on.  

::I hope you're well, Isobel.::

The song soothes him-its familiar lyrics, its familiar voice.  Subaru closes his eyes, the turmoil of his nightmare subsiding.

::I want happiness.::

Subaru realizes with despair, that he lost it.  

He mistook it for something else. 

He mangled it.

He threw it away.  

He can never ask for it back again.  

Alone, in his room, Subaru huddles in his sheets.  The window is closed, its dark curtains covering all sight of the moon.  Subaru buries himself deeper in the darkness, embracing the stifling loneliness.  The emptiness of his apartment resounds in his ears;the echoes of stillness stab at him with accusing silence.  Whimpering, the Sumeragi curls up, drawing his knees to his chest.  

For the second time that night, Subaru cries himself to sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Seishirou tosses his trench coat on the rack and falls heavily onto the welcoming cushions of the couch, kicking his shoes off.  It could have gone worse, he admits, but there is something that he still can't shake.

{It could have gone much worse.}

Seishirou closes his eyes in exhaustion, but they immediately snap open again.  He remembers seeing Subaru there instead of the girl.  He can still see the Sumeragi's terrified eyes; the helplessness about him. 

That, for some reason alarms Seishirou.  He had already let Subaru leave.  He hadn't interfered.  He let the boy live his own life.

{Why?}

There are no answers, only the radio softly droning on in the background.

I want happiness… 

_I want happiness…_

Why couldn't he forget Subaru?

Why couldn't he kill him?

Why couldn't he let him go?

To be happy with you… 

_To be your happiness…_

{What have I done?}

So take me… 

_To anywhere but here…_

Seishirou goes his window, a giant sheet of glass stretching from floor to ceiling.

**"I can't see the moon."**

The Sumeragi's ethereal voice still echoes loudly in his mind.

"There it is, Subaru-kun.  Do you see it now?"

Seishirou leans his forehead on the translucent window pane; his eyes raised to the shining moon in the sky.

The Sakurazukamori sighs and closes his eyes, remembering again.

That is all he has left to hold onto.  

For the first time in many months, he lets Isobel lull him into a deep slumber.

End _Isobel_


	7. Here with Me

**Carry Your Reflection**   
_Chapter Seven: Here With Me_   
by Seishuku Skuld (skuldhotohori@yahoo.com) 

Series: TB/X   
Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru 

Warning: Shounen-ai. ^_^ More angst. I just keep piling it up. Sorry this is coming out so slowly, but it does take time. ^_^ **huggles everyone waiting** Just three more chapters, and then the infernal waiting will stop.   
Promise! 

I wrote most of this on the plane to London, after watching Monsters Inc. and The Goonies. Not too much trippiness in this chapter, which is strange since I've just had a couple of glasses of wine, and I can feel it a little. ^_^ 

Subaru and Seishirou are slaves to CLAMP. They do CLAMP's whim, which unfortunately, involves a lot of angsting, bleeding, and death. I'm borrowing them for a short time, so I can be a little kinder than Evil-CLAMP. ^_^ They'll be returned in one piece, and CLAMP can continue their biseinen torture. ^_^ **sweatdrop** 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
Seishirou sits in his living room inhaling the smoky fragrance of his cigarette. He taps some ash onto the tray in front of him, and lifts it back to his lips, staring out the window. 

On this day in Tokyo, the sun is shining happily; draping its rays over the glass buildings of the city and drawing all its inhabitants into the streets. Seishirou hums a popular tune idly as he takes another drag. He stares at the little white lighter sitting on his coffee table. Its fluid has long ago been spent, and yet he wonders why he keeps the small thing. 

{Because it's the only thing that-} 

Seishirou quickly squishes the voice, stubbing his cigarette out on the ashtray with a savage, angry twist. He snorts. Such sentiments are for mindless romantics, certainly not for the Sakurazukamori. He stands up and stretches; his long limbs extend far from his body, dangerous and feline. Seishirou smiles, his lips twitching slightly to hide the cunning and guile behind his cat-like grace. 

Seishirou glances out his window, seeing a bright blue sky brightly lit by the morning light. Today, the sun calls to him. The excursion is without purpose, but a Sakurazukamori can still enjoy the city, can he not? 

Going to his closet, Seishirou selects a choice tie; one of a hue dark enough to balance the brightness of the sun. He pulls the thing around his neck, tying it in a sophisticated Windsor knot. The black tie lies against his chest, sitting in elegant contrast to his shirt. What better to complement with white than black? 

{Balance is everything.} 

Seishirou reaches out to the tree. It has now become an instinctive motion; always to make sure the link is still there. Not even that is the surety it once was. He finds that he often needs to reassure himself of his magical bond to the Tree. Its presence disappears from his mind frequently, and Seishirou has to constantly check that it is still there. This morning, he finds the great barrow's presence sitting in the back of his mind, still contenting itself with its previous night's meal. 

It has been several months since the incident with the young gaijin waitress, and Seishirou has almost completely forgotten her. What he has not forgotten is the encounter with Subaru in his illusion. The Sumeragi's sudden appearance there still disturbs him, especially during his late night hunting hours. 

Nevertheless, it has been several weeks, and the Sumeragi has failed to reappear. Seishirou wonders what demented game the young onmyouji is up to. After almost two months of stillness, Seishirou fancies if it is not himself that is the source of his own disquiet. 

Seishirou opts to leave his suit-coat behind; his trench coat will be more than adequate should any warmth be desired. He puts his pack of cigarettes in his right coat pocket, and reaches to the table to grab his lighter. 

It strikes him for a moment, the stillness of the picture: the little white lighter lying quietly, seemingly dwarfed by its dark reflection- Seishirou's black lighter sitting to it. The sun shining through the window casts a gloomy shadow over the smaller lighter, turning its pure white surface into a tarnished gray. It lies on the dark wood of the table, its alabaster plastic standing out almost painfully against the sea of sable surrounding it. Instinctively grabbing for his own lighter, Seishirou takes the black one in his hand and turns to go. He stops after taking a step, and looks back. 

Subaru's lighter - alone on the table. 

It seems almost too small, all of sudden; floundering against the darkness to which it is bound – abandoned, helpless, an insignificant, lonely thing without its dark twin beside it. It strikes him as oddly wrong to leave the lighter without its partner. 

Seishirou snorts. What foolishness. Another needless romantic sentiment. No doubt the Bohemian poets were applauding. But this is not 19th century France, this is modern-day Tokyo. He is not a poor, tortured writer, he is a wealthy assassin…and if there is anything he doesn't need, it's poetry and romance. 

Nevertheless, Seishirou picks up the Sumeragi's lighter, and puts it in his pocket, along with his black one. 

{There's no harm in carrying it.} 

Seishirou gives his coat pocket a reassuring pat; packet of cigarettes, and his lighters. Taking his keys and sunglasses from the counter, Seishirou closes his apartment door. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
::Where to today, Sumeragi Subaru-kun?:: 

His fax machine had sent him something, but the sun had summoned him with its promise of light and happiness, so Subaru had declined to work for the day, opting to spend a day outside. It was only every few weeks that he got a break, and Subaru felt that he deserved one on this wonderful day. Whatever the business was, it would just have to wait. 

It is an uncharacteristic move for the assiduous Sumeragi, but the young onmyouji has been rather agitated of late. Subaru, decides to go on a cheerful walk in the city. He is about to step out the door, when he remembers something. 

Striding back to his table, Subaru picks up his new portable CD player. Normally, he would never have lavishly spent money on himself like this, but with the frequent release of Isobel's songs, he finds that he is hard-pressed to leave the house without her soothing voice accompanying him. 

::You're as bad as a teenage schoolgirl, Subaru.:: 

The Sumeragi smiles as he imagines his sister's voice chiding him. 

::There's no harm in carrying it.:: 

Subaru shrugs, he needs his peace of mind. With the ear phones hanging around his neck and the CD player in his pocket, the Sumeragi leaves. 

Subaru smiles as he steps into the sunlight. Althought there doesn't seem anything particularly notable about this day, the young onmyouji enjoys it nevertheless. 

Subaru surrounds himself in the hum…in the unceasing bustle of the people of Tokyo in the streets. The murmur of voices envelops him; the press of bodies, the comforting aura of life. The people speak, walk, shop, and bustle about, caught up in life's routine. Subaru melts in once more, becoming a face in the crowd, just one among many; not particularly unique in any way, but knowing his place; where he fits in the puzzle of larger things. 

He gets carried along with the torrent, following the moving mass before him. He cares not where he goes, but just that he is moving to some final destination. Perhaps a special place in his memories, or a person he longs to be with. To Subaru, it does not matter. 

Subaru walks, his legs propelling himself mechanically forward. The young Sumeragi soon finds himself in Shinjuku, mired within a large cluster of people. More life, more smiling faces. Each girl, boy, man and woman that passes by him has a companion. A friend of sorts, a comrade, whether it be a schoolmate, a work colleague, or a lover. Subaru stops in mid-step and lets the crowd continue to flow about him. He watches the grins, laughs, and smiles carefully. Their happiness brings him an ache he does not understand, and he stands in the midst of the crush of bodies contemplating his sense of detachment, a feeling that somehow not all is right. 

Subaru snaps out of his reverie, a bright poster in the window of a store nearby catching his attention. They advertise Isobel's new smash-hit single, "Rebirth," which was released a few days ago. 

::Might as well.:: 

Subaru steps into the shop. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

A small stop, for old times' sake, Seishirou supposes. Not that his old office has any particular significance to him now. The old veterinary hospital has been converted to a small music shop. How very…modern. Bright posters obscure the inside of the store, hawking all the latest artists, especially a young Japanese-American girl named Isobel. Her melancholy tunes are familiar even to the Sakurazuka, and that in itself is quite an accomplishment as far as the assassin is concerned. 

Seishirou stares once more at the store, its large windows covered by the faces of smiling stars and rising divas. 

Isobel returns his gaze with a quiet, mysterious upturning of her lips. She looks directly at Seishirou, a curious tilt to her head; her green eyes twinkle at him. She exudes a soft grace, a gentle politeness that so reminds him of another… 

Seishirou blinks with start, putting the Sumeragi from his thoughts. The boy is the last thing he wants on his mind. 

_To be born again in your arms;_   
_Your taking my hand and not shaking it off;_   
_Our two paths merging to become one as blending minds;_   
_To be born again for my sake._

Subaru's happy smile, his childish charm, now lost - buried in the depths of forgotten time. Lost because… 

{Because you cried in your sleep, Subaru-kun. I was with you, and you cried.} 

Shaking his head, Seishirou turns away. So much memory. 

Isobel continues to smile. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

Subaru steps out of the shop, the new single in his pocket. He pops the mini CD into his player. 

_To be born again in your arms;_   
_Not averting your eyes, not letting go;_   
_Embracing all the fortitude of will and the frailty of prayers;_   
_To be born again in your arms._

Oddly enough, he finds the lyrics familiar, though he is sure he has never before heard them. How curious. 

Subaru takes another look at the building, suddenly struck by recognition. 

He had followed the flow of people, only stopping when Isobel drew him aside. He stares at the girl in amazement. She smiles cryptically back, conjuring memories of years ago when things were much happier…and he remembered how to smile. 

::Seishirou-san…:: 

Subaru looks at the marks on his hand, the pentagrams almost indiscernible in the daylight. 

::What were you always thinking? When you were here with me? Did I ever stand a chance against the Sakurazukamori?:: 

His question goes unanswered. The Sumeragi leaves, unsettled by the disquiet and turmoil in his heart that not even Isobel's soothing songs can quell. 

Isobel continues to smile. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

The Tower glares formidably at Seishirou as he gazes at its crimson-and-white heights. The pinnacle of Tokyo, the tower that stands for all the foundations of Japan itself…in more ways than most would think. 

The last kekkai in the battle for the fate of the world… 

But such things were not to happen for a few years yet, that much Seishirou knows. The time has not yet come for him to face his twin star in the apocalypse. 

Seishirou shadows his eyes with a hand, the sun shining behind the point of the steel tower. He wonders how many people stand at the top, looking down. He wonders if they know that their time is limited. Until… 

{Subaru-kun, the time will come when we will both have to face each other.} 

Smiling his usual smile, Seishirou turns and leaves, melting back into the crowd. Leaving those at the observation decks of the tower to their fate. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

::Do you remember our night here, Seishirou-san?:: 

Subaru stands from the highest observation deck of Tokyo Tower, staring down at the city. The movement below him looks like naught but an ever-moving ocean. A gentle breeze blows past, rustling the leaves of the flowering trees below him. 

::Do you love Tokyo, Seishirou-san?:: 

Subaru smiles softly, recalling the night he had spent slumbering innocently in Seishirou's arms; safe and protected. Even then, he had felt a flushing of his cheeks and a faint arousing of his body. The naïve boy had ignored it, and put all his trust in the gentle arms encircling him. 

::I didn't want to fall asleep, because you were here with me…but…:: 

Subaru pressed a hand against the windowpane, closing his eyes. The sun shines through the glass, bathing the Sumeragi's face in is restorative rays. 

::And yes, Seishirou-san, you are.:: 

The gentle fall of sakura blossoms blow about the base of the tower, and Subaru is reminded of another place he wants to visit. He waits a for few more moments, in silent communion with the sun, the tower, and the city about him. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

{It was here. So many years ago.} 

Seishirou leans against the tree, its presence in the back of his mind fluctuating slightly. That makes Seishirou worry. 

{It was here that I first touched your innocence, Subaru-kun. Here that you spilled your first tears for me.} 

He remembers the Sumeragi's child face so clearly, the large emeraldine eyes glittering amongst the shower of rose-pink petals. He had pleaded even then, his wide-eyed innocence stained by the glimmer of large drops of tears. Even then, he had pitted himself against the dark cynicism of the Sakurazukamori. So it was the assassin had taken a second a look at the boy, remarkable in his naïveté and purity. 

**_The corpses…do they suffer? Aren't they sad?_**

Subaru's eyes had reflected their suffering, showing the pain of their tortured voices as if he already had belonged to the tree. He remembers seeing the pink sakura dancing about the boy's frail frame, the Sumeragi's eyes reflecting his own dark image. 

{What do you say now, Subaru-kun? Has your light been dimmed? What will I see in your eyes now?} 

Seishirou closes his eyes, remembering an event of a few weeks past: the Sumeragi with his hands folded over his heart. A helpless creature, subject entirely to Seishirou's decision, submissive even as the assassin's hand plunged toward him. He relied on Seishirou to stop the final blow that would be the end. 

And Seishirou had nearly cried out at the reality of that vision, at the reality that he might kill Subaru. 

{Why?} 

Seishirou asks the Tree, expressing his feelings of uncertainty. The sakura offers him nothing in return, but its faint presence; and even that seems about ready to disappear at any second. 

{WHY?} 

In anger, Seishirou beats a fist against the trunk of the Tree. With that, it flickers entirely out of his mind. 

{Dammit!} 

Annoyed, angry, frustrated, confused, and bereft of the Tree, Seishirou exits the park, squeezing himself once more into the stream of movement and activity that is the city of Tokyo. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

It is at the exact moment that Seishirou leaves Ueno Park that Subaru enters. Pink blossoms fall about him like rain, alighting gently on his hair and his white trench coat. He heads for a particular sakura - the grandest, tallest, the one always in bloom. 

He plucks one of its plush petals from his coat, feeling the softness of its skin between his fingers. The pink sakura winks back at him innocently. 

::How many deceptions you hide, Tree.:: 

He looks up to its monstrous canopy towering over him in a rose-hued shadow. It seems as unafraid of him as it was when the Sumeragi was a child; but beneath its appearance, Subaru detects an undercurrent of anxiety and longing. Subaru assumes the thing must be hungry. 

::Where is your master?:: 

The tree declines to answer, but seems to be asking why the Sumeragi would want to know. Its umbrella of flowers sways in the breeze, unfurling another shower of pink confetti. 

They stand for a moment, Subaru regarding the Tree and the Tree back to him in a duel of wills, each with his own questions. Finally, the Tree relents and settles back into its resting state, no longer stretching its primitive cognition to touch the Sumeragi's mind. It appears to be satisfied. 

Subaru, of course, understands little of what has just transpired. He is bothered more with the feelings of disquiet that the Tree has once again stirred up. Disturbed, more than half curious, and definitely filled with more questions, Subaru leaves the Park. His piece with Seishirou's tree is finished. 

If only, he thinks to himself, if only the Sakurazuka were here to answer some of his questions. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

The sun sets in all its splendor, dousing the city with its last rays of light as Seishirou sets foot on Rainbow Bridge. Already the structure is brightly lit for the coming of the night. Cars rush past him as he strolls slowly across, the wind tugging at his hair in much the same manner that certain questions are tugging at his mind: with the childish insistency and stubbornness. 

Behind him is Odaiba Park, the large Ferris wheel brilliantly lit with a myriad of colors, traveling around in its slow, stately revolution. Below, the water reflects the light of the city and the moon already risen. 

In Seishirou's hand is a small advertisement picked up from a newspaper. The picture is of a café in Odaiba, harking the reader to the restaurant's friendly service and superb cuisine. 

Seishirou frequented that place once but, since the untimely disappearance of one of their foreign waitresses, the assassin has been loathe to visit it. It had also been one of the many places he often took Subaru to, during the onmyouji's rare spare moments. 

Seishirou sighs. Tonight, again, it appears Seishirou will paying the Peach Blossom Café a visit. Unfortunately, it won't be quite the same, because of Ashley's unexpected demise and Subaru's ubiquitous absence. It would not be as it once was. But then again, nothing in Seishirou's life ever is. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

Subaru stands outside the Zepp Tokyo, the legendary livehouse. It is frequented by all the latest music artists; there is always at least one famous band or singer performing every week. Next month is no exception as Isobel's new tour will begin here. The Sumeragi vacillates, unsure of whether to buy tickets or not. It will be an event not to be missed…but yet something tells the young onmyouji to wait. Around the corner is the Peach Blossom Café. Isobel's smile tempts him to go there. 

The restaurant holds happy memories for him, cheerful conversations of times long gone by, sitting next to Seishirou with a bright red flush on his cheeks at their casual intimacy. 

He had been so innocent then, so trusting, never suspecting. 

What of him now? He is tainted by the dark hand of cynicism, his purity shattered by the one he had given his heart to. He is full of unanswered questions, mostly echoing of "Seishirou-san" and "why." 

For the first time that day, Subaru feels hungry. 

Well, why not? It is nearby. He'll stop by for a meal and pretend everything is the way it was before it all got shot to hell. Before there were so many questions. He can't stop but chuckle darkly at that thought. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

A young Japanese girl works the reception booth at the Peach Blossom Café. The waitresses and busboys still murmur gossip of the whereabouts of their missing employee. 

Nevertheless, Seishirou has no troubles finding his customary table. Tonight, the place is unusually packed. A large family sits in the center of the café, laughing and joking as their children run about their feet, screaming with delight and dropping bits of food on the spotless carpet. 

Seishirou sighs. Even the atmosphere of the place changes over time. He wonders what next, but then realizes he's not ready to travel that line of thought. 

Waiting for his food to arrive, Seishirou's takes a cigarette from his pocket. He sets Subaru's white lighter before him, a fitting substitute for the absent Sumeragi. It is the only thing he has left. 

{Not quite like the old days anymore, is it, Subaru-kun?} 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Subaru walks into the café hesitantly. It seems busy and noisy, and he is not inclined to wait very long for his dinner. 

The waitress smiles and tells him he's lucky to have a seat. Subaru follows her into the café, shyly looking about as if he was a boy of sixteen again. He glances about the place, the tables, the chairs, the crystal clean mirrors that line the walls. Same, but yet somehow different. He cannot explain why. 

He looks at himself in the mirrored wall next to him and smiles wanly. 

::You look like a mess, Sumeragi Subaru. So different from when you were a teenager, and somehow no less confused.:: 

His reflection smiles back, somehow more dark and sinister in the dim light of the café. To the right of his reflection is a large family, sitting at the largest table in the establishment, blocking his view of nearly an entire side of the café. 

More people. Smiling. Laughing.   
Children. Playing innocently. 

_Letting me forget with your voice and your touch;_   
_Breaking off the chains that bind my heart and feet;_   
_As old shells crumble off and newborn tears fall on a cheek;_   
_With your embrace open my ethereal wing;_

Subaru pulls the earphones from his ears, so he can hear their voices. 

The commotion finally dies down as the family picks itself and its many members up and departs, leaving behind an empty void in the center of the room. 

Subaru glances at the mirror again, seeing something that makes his verdant eyes go wide with surprise. 

"Seishirou…san…" the Sumeragi hardly dares to breathe, as if his breath might shatter the perfect image of the Sakurazuka sitting at his table, his dark attire blending into the dimness of the room. Subaru is not altogether sure what he sees is real. He is riveted to seat with disbelief, and something else that he cannot explain save for the pounding of his heart. 

Finally sure that Seishirou is not an illusion or a product of a feverish mind, a wave of relief washes over the Sumeragi. He exhales, the puff of warm air momentarily obscuring the mirror's image of the Sakurazuka. 

::Seishirou-san is here with me.:: 

_To be born again in your arms_   
_To be born again for your sake_   
_To be born again for you alone_   
_To start again from scratch_. 

And that brings Subaru a strange sort of comfort.   



	8. I'm No Angel

**Carry Your Reflection _Chapter Eight: I'm No Angel _**

by Seishuku Skuld (skuldhotohori@yahoo.com)

Series: X/TB

Pairing: Seishirou x Subaru

Author's Notes: So yeah…I wrote this in the hotel room in Geneva, Switzerland.  Right after I threw up at a bar a few blocks away…the night before my sister's wedding. **sweatdrop**  I got smashed and had one drink too many, so after projectile vomiting into the street, I felt much better.  Good enough to write, at any rate. ^^;;

Hopefully I haven't made you wait TOO long for this chapter.  ^^;;

Disclaimers: Subaru and Seishirou are properties of CLAMP.  I will sneak in there and steal them….someday….someday…**shakes fist** But in the meantime, I am "borrowing" them.  Yes.  **cough**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Seishirou stares.

He was relieved when the large family finally got up to leave.  At last, some peace and quiet.  They cleared out; and Seishirou glanced at the mirror, watching them gather their bags and usher their children.  The dim light in the café made it hard to make out the faces of the family, they remained just dark forms shuffling along the length of the mirror's reflection.

The last straggler got up, gathered her little toddler in her arms and departed, revealing a solitary figure sitting across the room.  

The white trench coat stands out glaringly bright in the darkness, a single pinpoint of light which draws Seishirou's eye to it.

Then the assassin's heart does a very strange thing.  It leaps.

Seishirou snatches up the white lighter, its brightness dimmed in comparison to the presence of its owner across the room.  Seishirou puts the thing into the pocket of his pants, his heart palpitating rapidly like the wild beat of a drum.

{Why?}

Why is the Sumeragi here?  He cannot remember how many months it has been since he has last seen the young onmyouji.  How long has it been since he let him go?

Seishirou draws the lighter from his pocket, looking at it sitting in the palm of his hand.  It is such a tiny, lonely little thing.  He draws a quick breath, closing his hand, unable to comprehend why his heart beats with such anxiety.

For reasons unknown even to him, the Sakurazuka rises to feet and proceeds in slow steps to the Sumeragi's table.  His feet won't let him stop, and even if Seishirou should want to take a last minute turn out to the door, he finds that Subaru's wide green eyes staring at him in disbelief draw him closer as if there were an invisible rope tied to his waist.

He wants to speak to Subaru again, hear his voice; even if the Sumeragi were to condemn him.  Strange, how his days journey would lead him here, to Subaru.

Seishirou takes a deep breath, suddenly nervous.  He slides smoothly into the seat next to Subaru.  He smiles from behind the dark barrier of his sunglasses, and extends his hand.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Subaru looks at Seishirou, his longing and loneliness shining his eyes.  His heart  thrums quickly in excitement, anxious for even a word from the assassin.  But what is it that Seishirou wants?  Has the man been tracking him all day?  Is this meeting merely a coincidence?

Subaru swallows a little nervously, a multiplicity of thoughts colliding in his head.  He is unable to hold onto a single question before it slides through his fingers like thin wisps of smoke.  Seishirou sits next to him, an enigmatic smirk on his face.  Subaru eyes follow his movement, the green pools staring at their own reflections on the inky opacity of the assassin's shades.

Subaru sees himself: confused, lonely, and a little afraid; he sees his own image overlaid with the contrast of Seishirou's dark sunglasses.  His visage stares back at him, his pale surrounded by the ebony reflection as if he belonged to the darkness; an odd mosaic of white and black.  Subaru finds the picture slightly disturbing, but schools himself into an expression of neutrality.

Seishirou's hand comes forward, the closed fingers unfurling to reveal a white lighter sitting in his palm.  Subaru stares at the forlorn thing for a moment before realizing it is his. 

"You left this, Subaru-kun."

The Sumeragi closes his eyes and does not respond.  Seishirou, unperturbed, continues.

"I kept it for you.  You can have it back now."

Subaru frowns, wondering if Seishirou is again playing one of his twisted games.  He attempts to appear indignant and insulted that Seishirou would still be toying with him, but oddly, he can't summon the effort.  Defeated, Subaru decides to just ask his questions.

"Why are you giving it back to me?"

"Because it is yours, Subaru-kun."

"I don't understand."

"Do you want it back, Subaru-kun?"

Subaru looks at it again.  He's hardly missed the thing.  He has plenty of lighters, Seishirou must know that.  

::Then why did he keep it?::

Nevetheless, Subaru puts his hands over Seishirou's, his fingers curling around the plastic, brushing against the smooth skin of Seishirou's palm.  Its soft texture reminds him of the petals of a cherry tree.

"Thank you, Seishirou-san," Subaru says quietly, his hand lingering on Seishirou's.  The Sakurazuka smiles.

"You are welcome, Subaru-kun."

Subaru quickly draws his hand away, as if he has been burnt.  He shoves the thing into his pocket, his cheeks beginning to flush.  A long silence ensues as both onmyouji think of what to say and what to do. 

Subaru's logic cautions him to leave, to leave Seishirou behind as he did months ago.  His heart is confused.  His instincts tell him to stay, if only to satisfy the loneliness always tugging at the back of his mind.

He went out today to surround himself in people, surround himself with life.  The day brought him to Seishirou.  The choice between the man who ruined his life and an empty bed in an empty room is not a difficult one for the Sumeragi.  He knows the latter far too well.

"Have you eaten yet, Subaru-kun?"

Subaru shakes his head.  "I've just barely ordered.  And you, Seishirou-san?"

"I have already finished my meal.  But I have room for dessert.  Would you mind if I joined you?"

Subaru smiles.  "Not at all."  Seishirou impulsively reaches for his hand and gives it a squeeze.  Seishirou smiles, and raises Subaru's hand to his lips.  He gives the dual pentagrams gentle kisses.  They flare with a faint light at the assassin's touch.  Subaru blushes, his heartbeat quickens.  From there, a small glimpse of the younger Subaru can be seen, not completely dead, still fighting.  The childish hesitance, the innocent embarrassment, and something else…

Seishirou finds himself strangely pleased with the Sumeragi's response, and lets out the breath he was holding.

The waiting brings Subaru his meal, and Seishirou insists that it be put on his tab.  Subaru protests, his cheeks growing pinker by the second as the Sakurazuka pulls out all his old charm on the younger man.  Finally, the Sumeragi relents, receding into the silence of contemplation.  What was he feeling?

::Just like the old days, Seishirou-san.::

"So Subaru-kun, what have you been up to today?"

"Walking around town."

"Care to elaborate for an old friend?"

"I was visiting some old places.  Your old veterinary hospital is a music shop now."

"I know," Seishirou puts an arm around Subaru's shoulders.  "I was there.  I was walking around today too."

"Oh."  Subaru wonders if Seishirou has been following him purposefully.  "Just wandering, Seishirou-san?"  There is still an edge of suspicion in his voice.

"No," Seishirou smirks cryptically.  He leans into close to whisper into Subaru's ear.  "I was looking for something."

"Wh-what was that?"

"You, Subaru-kun."**__**

"You're lying," Subaru shakes of Seishirou's arm.

"Why would I lie to you?" 

"Because you've done so too many times already."

"What if I'm not lying to you this time?"

"I still don't believe you."

"Is that because you don't want to?"  

"Nothing you say will make me believe you."

"Then can I do anything?" …he'd kept Subaru's lighter for long…perhaps it was time…

"No."  The Sumeragi hesistates, perplexed by his own response.  He looks through his reflection in Seishirou's sunglasses, past his tired eyes.  Subaru averts his eyes and concentrates on his meal again.

"Then shall I stay?" 

"Yes."

 "Thank you, Subaru-kun."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Any plans for tonight, Subaru-kun?"

The Sumeragi hesitates as he cleans up the ice cream from his bowl.  "Not really.  Were you thinking of anything?"

"Why don't we go to my apartment?"

::What are you planning now, Seishirou-san?::

Subaru still has his doubts.  But doubts are better than his own apartment.  

"Sure."

"Excellent."  Seishirou slings his arm once more around Subaru's shoulders.  He pays for their dinners, leaving a generous tip, and they leave the café.

It's a long way home, so Seishirou hails a taxi.  The driver looks askance at the strange couple dressed in all whites and blacks.  Seishirou answers the look with a wink, and gives Subaru a kiss on the cheek.  The Sumeragi blushes and turns away from Seishirou, nearly sputtering with indignance.

Seishirou climbs into the vehicle and gives the driver his address.

"Coming, Subaru-kun?"  
  


Taking a last look at his choices, Subaru sighs.  He slides in the seat beside Seishirou.  

"What was that for, Seishirou-san?"

"You didn't like it, Subaru-kun?"

"No…"

"Want another one?"

"NO!  What are you getting at, Sakurazukamori?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."  Seishirou smiles, the lights of the Tokyo buildings reflection off his dark sunglasses as they move through city.

Subaru frowns.  "What…" he beings, then pauses, searching for words.  He gives up and sighs.  "Why…"

"Because you are mine, Subaru-kun." 

"I hate you."

"Then why are you going home with me?"

"I don't know."

They sat in silence the rest of the way to Seishirou's apartment.  Subaru stared out the window, watching the lighted streets move past them.  Occasionally people would look at the taxi passing by, staring for brief moments at the passengers.  Then the vehicle would pass by and they would turn back to whatever they were doing, wherever they were going.

::How easily they forget.::

Subaru looks at Seishirou's reflection in the car window, the older man sitting comfortably in the worn leather seats of the taxi, his arms folded, legs crossed, looking content and as untumultuous as a cloudless day.  Subaru moves his attention back to himself, a young, lost boy traveling to a place he knows nothing about.  And then Subaru loses himself in thought.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Come in," Seishirou opens the door wide, turning on the lights.  "Make yourself at home."

"Are you implying something, Seishirou-san?"  

"Not at all, Subaru-kun."  The Sumeragi slides the white coat off his shoulders, and immediately Seishirou takes it.  "I'll handle this."  He hangs it on the coat rack, closing the door softly.

"…thank you," Subaru replies, walking into the living room.  He isn't sure whether he really meant to thank the Sakurazuka for being a polite gentleman, but his sense of propriety had told him to do so.

Subaru sits down on the leather couch, reclining uneasily into its cool softness.  He is unsure of how to sit, unsure of his relationship Seishirou.  How should he act?  What should he do?  What should he say?

He notices a familiar flash of color in the corner of his eye, and Subaru looks down on the coffee table.   He picks up the compact disc lying there.

_A beautiful dream _

_that__ no one's ever seen._

_A beautiful deceit_

_that__ no one's ever noticed._

"Isobel!" he gasps in surprise.

::What are you doing here?::

The image of Isobel on the cover seems to wink playfully at him, challenging him to answer his own question.

Seishirou walks over with a bottle of cooled champagne.  "She's a relative," he explains, setting the drink down and pouring two glasses for Subaru and himself.

Subaru's eyes widen.  "Really?"

Seishirou grins, handing him a glass.  "No, I just wanted to say that."

Subaru's look of surprise quickly turns into one of mock annoyance.

"I don't know why I have that CD, to be honest."

_A wonderful person,_

_that__ makes everyone turn_

_A wonderful time,_

_that__ everyone wants._

{On second thought, maybe I do.}

Seishirou makes to further remark, but raises his glass.  Subaru hesitates for a moment, and gently extends his arm.  The glasses clink together softly.  Neither speak the toast, but keep their own well-wishes in their hearts.

They drink slowly, sitting in thoughtful silence, letting the wine dull the sharp edges of their pain.

Finally, the bottle lies empty on the table.  Subaru has a pink flush to his cheeks, but Seishirou is completely unaffected.

"Want a smoke, Subaru-kun?"

Seishirou reaches into his pocket, handing a cigarette to the young onmyouji.

The Sumeragi shakes his head, clumsy fingers reaching into his pocket.  "I have my own."

"Not into sharing?"

"I've shared too many things with you," Subaru replies.  He puts the smoke into his mouth, and looks around for a lighter.

"At least let me light your cigarette," Seishirou murmurs, holding his own cigarette over the flame of his black lighter.

"…Sure."  Thinking that no harm could come of it, Subaru leans forward.

Seishirou smiles, and leans forward as well, touching the end of his lit cigarette to Subaru's.  The motion surprises the Sumeragi, and he looks up at Seishirou's dark form uncertainly.  Once again, he meets his own reflection in Seishirou's dark sunglasses.  His wide green eyes, enveloped in black.

Before he can say anything, Seishirou pulls away again, the cigarette already lit.

"…Thank you."  The young onmyouji relaxes slightly, closing his eyes, letting the nicotine rush to his senses as he breathes deeply.

"No problem, Subaru-kun.  Always my pleasure."

_Now come close to me._

_I'll sing an endless song._

_Show me redder than red, the truest -- _

{Do you feel it Subaru-kun?  Do you feel our attraction?  Do you feel it pulling us together?  We are drawn to each other…even when we are separated…}

"Seishirou-san?" **__**

****

"Yes?"  
  


"…I have a question."

"Shoot."**__**

****

_"_Why?" **__**

****

"Because." 

"What?"

"You."**__**

****

"Excuse me?"

"You."  

{I want you, and you in turn want me…}

****

"…Seishirou-san?"  **__**

****

"Subaru-kun.****Let me try."

"Try what?"

"To…"

"To?"

"To…" Seishirou loses the words he was searching for.  He sighs.  What does he want to say?  Something about starting over.  Something about pretending; pretend to let all his regrets go.  

_Hear the whisper of the heart, hear its true voice._

_Listen carefully._

"To be…again…for your sake…"

Subaru blinks, confused.  He tackles the questions running through his head one at a time.

"How?"

"Like this."**__**

****

Seishirou takes the cigarette out of Subaru's mouth, his movements slow deliberate.  The Subaru stares up at him, his heart fluttering wildly in his chest.  He does not move.  Seishirou tosses the discarded cigarette, along with his own into the ashtray on the table.  He leans close to the Sumeragi, an arm coming around the fragile boy, drawing him close.  He shuts his eyes, and reflexively, Subaru closes his as well.  The Sumeragi tilts his head up, the heady fragrance of the moment overwhelming his senses.

Their lips meet, two velvety softnesses meeting and coalescing.

Subaru melts beneath Seishirou's mouth.

{I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't try?}

Subaru lets the Sakurazuka's weight bear him to the couch, his arms curling about Seishirou's back and digging into the soft white cloth of his shirt.

_Now kiss, hold me._

_Show me love that's forever._

Subaru protests faintly as they break apart, each with his heart pounding against his chest, breathing hard.  

"Seishirou-san…I…"

"Sshh."  The Sakurazuka puts a gentle finger to Subaru's lips, silencing the Sumeragi.  Subaru looks at Seishirou, a mix of confusion, wonder, and desire shining in his eyes.  "I'll stop if you want me to, Subaru-kun."

Subaru pauses, searching Seishirou's face, settling on his mismatched eyes – one a milky white, the other a well of darkness in the dim light of the room.  He no longer finds himself afraid of the Sakurazuka's strange, unbalanced gaze.  There is something solid behind that, something he swears he can almost see. 

"It's all right," Subaru whispers, his cheeks becoming flushed.  He settles himself comfortably beneath Seishirou, his body splayed out on the couch. 

"Good," Seishirou smiles in response, only needing Subaru's confirmation before continuing.  He undoes his necktie and tosses the dark strip of cloth the floor.  He catches Subaru's hands and leans down for another kiss.

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou murmurs softly, running his lips along the smooth skin of the Sumeragi's pale cheek.  The young onmyouji appears so frail, a thin stretching of alabaster skin against the black leather furniture.  Seishirou nips at Subaru's tender flesh, listening to the quiet moans shaking the slight frame pressed beneath him.  

Subaru has a faint pink flush to his cheeks, giving his face a beautiful glow against the dark hues of the couch.  Seishirou gazes deep into Subaru's verdant eyes, observing the emotions flitting back and forth behind the emerald glass.  They show him confusion and doubt, but also a deep-seated desire marred by years of loneliness.  Gone is the innocent gaze of the boy-ishSumeragi, the content emptiness that had consumed those large green eyes.  

All Seishirou needs is Subaru's desire to match his own- he sees that clearly mirrored in the young onmyouji.

The heat rushes to Seishirou's body, and he shakes himself clear from his reverie.  Subaru is his, as it has always been fated to be.  Subaru desires him, and that is all that Seishirou needs to acknowledge his own wishes.

Both men soon find themselves gasping after another ardent kiss.  Subaru's jeans bulge conspicuously, and he feels even more fire added to the scarlet blush on his cheeks as he follows Seishirou's eye roving up and down his body.  Seishirou's gaze settles on one particular spot of his anatomy. 

{Subaru wants me.}  

With the deliberate slowness of triumph, Seishirou moves his hands to Subaru's waist.  He runs exploratory caresses up Subaru's shirt, watching with pleasure as the younger man closes his eyes and sighs.

The Sakurazuka has, of course, taken Subaru's body before.  But this time, he vows to himself it will be different.

{Subaru wants me.}

Subaru will be fully awake, fully cognizant of Seishirou making love to him.

{I want you too, Subaru-kun.}

"Lovely," Seishirou whispers in heated breathes, their intimacy driving the Sumeragi insane.  Seishirou lifts the bottom of the black turtleneck up, exposing Subaru's navel to the cool air in the apartment.

With steady, calculated movements, Seishirou unclasps the button at Subaru's the waist of Subaru's pants.  With his other hand gently squeezing the bulge, Seishirou slowly undoes the zipper.

"S…Seishirou-san!" Subaru starts as his pants are pulled to his knees, and then off entirely to join the tie on the floor.

Seishirou raises an eyebrow, unsure if the Sumeragi is truly protesting, completely naïve of what he has intended from the beginning.  Perhaps it is that Subaru is simply embarrassed.

"Are you trying to tell me something, Subaru-kun?"  Seishirou has his hands on the Sumeragi, slowly rubbing the fabric of Subaru's briefs against his arousal.

"Nnn," the Sumeragi whimpers, his face twists in a look of pure pleasure.  

"Did you say something?  I must have missed it Subaru-kun."

"Seishirou-san…"the Sumeragi pants as Seishirou puts more pressure on his erection.  This was infinitely better than his empty bed, his own hand having to feed his dark fantasies.  "Nnnnn…"

With a devilish smile, Seishirou hooks his fingers around the waistband of the white underwear, stripping the Sumeragi of it in a single efficient stroke.

"Beautiful," Seishirou says with an appreciative murmur, staring at the Sumeragi's erection topped with a pearly drop of pre-cum.

Subaru gazes back at Seishirou, seeing himself reflected in Seishirou's eye: a sea of ebony.  The black of his shirt melts in with the leather couch, leaving his head and legs appearing to hang suspended from inky darkness.   He gazes back at his reflection, his flushed cheeks, beads of sweat covering his brow, his legs open, revealing his attraction to the man so possessively admiring him.

A small pang of fear strikes him then, and Subaru is suddenly uncertain.  He feels as if he is on the verge of something important.  He teeters on the edge of a large, cavernous ravine, unable to see the other side.   He is so close to a feeling of familiarity, of security and stability, and yet it continues to elude him.

::Seishirou-san!::

 Subaru reaches for the first thing that comes within a hand's reach.  He grabs Seishirou by the shoulders and crushes the Sakurazuka to him, sweating, eyes wide open with fear.  He holds Seishirou close, wishing for all the world that the assassin could have seen what he almost did.

Misunderstanding Subaru's sudden gesture, Seishirou instinctively reaches his hand up, running his fingers through Subaru's hair.  He finds it surprising that the Sumeragi would be so sexually provocative as to make such a sudden movement. 

{Subaru wants me.}

"Feeling frisky, Subaru-kun?"

Subaru declines to answer, heaving a large sigh into Seishirou's shoulder, a small trail of tears eking out from the side of his closed eyes.  Seishirou feels the dampness on his shoulder, and hugs the young onmyouji tighter in his arms.

"It's all right, Subaru-kun.  Don't be afraid of your own desire.  I won't let anything hurt you."

Subaru pulls away, looking once more into Seishirou's mismatched eyes.  

::Not even yourself, Seishirou-san?::

"Sshhh…I'll take care of you, Subaru-kun," Seishirou grins ferally, his body long past denying.  He lifts Subaru up, sweeping an arm beneath the Sumeragi's legs.  He carries Subaru down the hall, the short distance to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

::I've been here, before…::

Subaru looks around as he is gently deposited on the bed, Seishirou divesting him of his last vestiges of clothing.  

"Seishirou-san…" Subaru murmurs, trying not to be conscious of the grin of Seishirou's face.

"Yes, my lovely Subaru-kun?"  Seishirou unbuttons his shirt and tosses it over the side of the bed.

"Be gentle."

"Of course, Subaru-kun."  Seishirou strips off his pants and underwear, and gathers the Sumeragi into his arms.

It feels right, to have Subaru's thin frame pressed against him, planes and planes of smooth, creamy skin pressed against his.  He can feel the Sumeragi's erection digging into his stomach.  He wraps a leg around Subaru, securing his position.  He gives Subaru's cheeks a tentative kiss, ghosting his lips over the tender flesh.

{I love this feeling.}

It was a feeling that Seishirou reveled in, being so close to the object of his long-time desire.  Yes, that was right.  He wanted Subaru.  He wanted Subaru to be his.  And the Sumeragi was pinned beneath him, giving himself willingly to the Sakurazuka.

He listens intently to Subaru's moans, the deep, throaty utterances as the small man writhe beneath him in pleasure, overcome by sensations he has never consciously experienced.  

Subaru is still tighter than ever, the excrutiatingly pleasure of being buried inside the young onmyouji nearly overwhelms Seishirou's sense.  It takes all his hard-earned control not to pound the Sumeragi, to drive in and out repeatedly until his own desires are satisfied.

Seishirou slowly wraps a hand around Subaru's erection, running his fingers along the silky softness of the shaft.  The Sumeragi hisses in response, his body trembling with the stress of an imminent orgasm.

{My Subaru-kun.}

Seishirou beings with steady strokes, building his rhythm slowly.  Seishirou leans down, kissing the Sumeragi ardently, thrusting his hips in time with the frenzied beating of their hearts.

Subaru stretches out, his arms extending far above his head as he comes, his body tensing as his warm seed spills onto his stomach.

Seishirou moans, Subaru's passage constricting about his arousal, and sending him over the edge.

They collapse together on the bed, each still tingly from his orgasm.

Content and satisfied, Seishirou pulls his softening member out of Subaru and lies beside him.

"Goodnight, Subaru-kun."  Seishirou cuddles Subaru closer, draping an around his waist.

"Goodnight, Seishirou-san," Subaru murmurs back.  He turns on his side as Seishirou curls around him.  

::Goodnight, Seishirou-san.:: 

And though he soon hears Seishirou's breathing turn quiet and regular, Subaru stays awake staring at the hand of the clock make its stately, circular march as time rushes past it.

*~*~*~*~*~*

It is near sunrise when Subaru abruptly starts out of his reverie.  He turns around to see Seishirou peacefully sleeping beside him.  The assassin has an arm tucked beneath his head, the other coming around to rest tenderly about the Sumeragi's hip.

Subaru smiles slightly, admiring Seishirou's still form in the soft light of sunrise.  He brushes a finger across Seishirou's lips, suddenly struck by pang of doubt.

This man who had spent the night with, the man who had killed his sister, raped him, ruined his life.  How could he look so peaceful and innocent in his sleep?  This man, who had killed so many innocent people, and reveled in the blood which spilled from his hands…

::What am I to you, Sakurazuka Seishirou?::

Subaru's hand drops and gently moves Seishirou's arm away from him.

::I'm sorry, Seishirou-san.::

He quietly climbs out of bed, so as not to disturb Seishirou's slumber.

::I'm sorry.::

Subaru shakes his head, a single tear falling onto his cheek.  The night had been wonderful, but what had he seen in Seishirou's eyes?  Seishirou didn't understand.  Whatever it was he saw in Seishirou last night, it is gone.  Though he is no longer afraid of Seishirou's mismatched eyes, though it no longer makes him nervous, or makes him guilty…he can't remember what it was he saw.  Maybe it wasn't important.

::I must have been just imagining things.::

Subaru picks up his clothing, following a trail from the bedroom into the living room.  He gets dressed and puts on his trench coat.  

::We're just…too different.::

Subaru's hand pauses on the doorknob.  He puts his hand in his jeans pocket, making sure his lighter is there.  He feels the familiar rectangular form of the plastic, and is reassured.  He turns around, taking a last look at Seishirou's apartment.  He spots Isobel's album sitting on the black coffee table.  She looks at him sadly.

::We're black and white, Seishirou and I.  We're just not meant to be.::

Subaru opens the door slowly and silently.  He slips out, and shuts it behind him.  

Seishirou sleeps on, completely unaware.

End _I'm No Angel_


	9. All You Want

**Carry Your Reflection**   
_Chapter Nine: All You Want_   
by Seishuku Skuld (skuldhotohori@yahoo.com) 

Series: TB/X   
Pairing: Seishirou x Subaru   
Warnings: shounen-ai, angst, the usual 

Author's notes: I apologize for several people who have suffered sub-arachnoid hemmorhages after chapter 8. I know this won't make up for it...not until chapter 10 when it's all over. 

Wow, this fic has taken me way longer than I originally anticipated. Even longer than "Saidan" took me...but that's because I only have brief periods of inspiration after long periods of just deadness. ^_^   
*grins* 

Please visit my fanfiction page, Rose is Rain (http://rose-is-rain.cjb.net) if you wish to read previous chapters or my other fics. ^_^ 

Read my blog, Smells Like Fangirl (http://skuldchan.pitas.com) if you want to read about the latest projects I'm working on. ^_^ (And about my wonderfully dull life.) 

Dedicated to: Amberlee! My lovely beta reader. She's absolutely wonderful, and you guys should all read her stuff too. 

*~*~*~*~*~*   
Seishirou murmurs in his sleep and sighs contentedly. He remembers very little from the night before, only aware that he has now reached some semblance of happiness and some sort of understanding with the Sumeragi. That at least, is much better than things were, and Seishirou is perfectly satisfied for lazing around the bed with Subaru behind him. This morning, there is no particular rush, and he hopes that Subaru is not in a hurry to get out of bed either. 

Seishirou rolls over, moving an arm to drape about the Sumeragi lying next to him. Seishirou starts, his eyes snapping open as he realizes Subaru isn't there. 

"Subaru-kun?" 

Immediately Seishirou gets up, throwing the sheets off him, regardless of his current state of undress. 

"Subaru-kun?" Seishirou opens the door to the bathroom, but is only greeted by silence. 

He crosses the chamber and throws open the door to his bedroom, heart thudding against his chest, striding down the hallway and into the living room. 

Silence again. 

"Subaru-kun?" he looks on the floor, sees his clothes, but no sign of the Sumeragi's. 

{Subaru...} 

With a great sinking of his stomach, Seishirou knows that Subaru is gone. Without parting word, or any note of the sort. All around the apartment are scattered things that belong to Seishirou: his champagne glasses, his stereo, his CDs, his books, his television. Not one vestigial remains of Subaru has been left behind. Not even a little lighter to hold onto. 

"Dammit," Seishirou sinks to the couch, giving into the urge to bury his head in his hands. 

Isobel smiles softly back at him, her green eyes full of sadness and regret. 

All around him, the stillness of his apartment closes in on him, wrapping him tightly in its web of despair. It is then that he realizes that Subaru would never be coming back. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

The apartment is empty. Utterly, completely devoid. Subaru sits on his chair, his hands on the table, staring into the room. Though he spots his bed, his stereo, his CDs, his books, his television, it is still empty. The silence that permeates his room wraps him up in its coldness like a cocoon of ice. 

::It really is hopeless, isn't it?:: 

A small smirked spreads across Subaru face, but it holds no mirth and no laughter. It's a hopeless kind of grin, like one a cornered mouse might wear, making its last stand against the ferocious cat which hunted it. 

No, on second thought, it wasn't even as heroic as that. 

For once, all of Subaru's thoughts are still. His questions have stopped coming, knowing there were no answers. They hide in the shadows, still and silent, casting a black veil of mystery about themselves and disappearing into the dark recesses of Subaru's mind. 

There is, after all, nothing. Subaru's fingers twitch briefly and then stop as the Sumeragi continues to stare into his bare apartment. Whatsoever he had clung onto before, is now gone. 

::We're just...too different.:: The Sumeragi heaves a sigh, his breath wafting into his stale room, warming it for a brief moment before the puff of air vanishes swallowed by the thick, toxic atmosphere of despair, leaving Subaru once again, alone. 

His fax machine beeps, its sharp sound suddenly splitting the silence asunder. Subaru jumps in surprise as the red light flashes; a single white paper is spit out like a   
strange mechanical tongue. Subaru gets up, walks over, and picks it up, giving it a cursory glance. 

Another petty exorcism, some kind of ancient magic possessing a book in an old library collection. It would take him fifteen minutes at most, and an hour to get there and back; all in the busy life of an onmyouji. 

Subaru, for a brief moment, is very tempted to just forget about the job. It doesn't seem to be worth it. Subaru, for once in his life, just can't bring himself to care. 

The Sumeragi sighs, and the fax flutters to the floor, a single rectangle of white on the dark carpeting. That only serves to depress him more. 

::I need to get out of here.:: 

Subaru takes his coat from his bed. 

::I can't stay here anymore.:: 

The darkness unnerves him, the impossible silence, the stifling sense of some thread of fate gone horribly awry. There was once again, no sound; only a dark, empty room, unlit even by the bright sunshine filtering in through the window. 

::I don't care anymore.:: 

Subaru snatches his keys, his cigarettes, his lighter, and flees the room. 

*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seishirou sits on his couch, his hands holding his head. His eyes are closed, as he breathes slowly, listening to his gasping breath in the silence of his apartment. The dark curtains are drawn, and his room is completely shrouded in darkness. It is an inky blackness that reminds Seishirou of sleep, a comforting absence of thought that promises a release from pain, if only for a transient moment. 

But now, not even that is to be had in haven of his own home, for everything in the room speaks distinctly of Subaru: his scent lingering on the leather couch, images of his warm lips pressed ever so gently against the fragile wine glass. Even now, when he needs it more than ever, the Tree is absent from his mind, hidden underneath the churning waves of emotional turmoil that Seishirou cannot sort through. 

{So I've been a fool after all.} 

Seishirou opens his eyes, and lifts his head a fraction to regard the image of Subaru before him. 

{You're not real.} 

The vision of Subaru continues to stand in front of him, the dark green eyes staring blankly, without comprehension, at Seishirou. 

"Go away!" Seishirou cries out, rushing forward from the couch as if to dash the hallucination away with a sweep of his arm. 

{Leave me alone…} 

Subaru shimmers, and disappears with a sad shaking of his head. Seishirou suddenly, impulsively reaches forward, his fingers grasping for the illusory threads of the Sumeragi's white coat before the image fades. 

{Don't leave.} 

Seishirou freezes, staring a blank space of wall, his hand still outstretched. 

"I…" 

{Shit.} 

Seishirou collapses, resting his forehead against the carpet, his eyes closing with despair. Not even the depths of his darkness can claim him anymore, and he knows he will find no solace in the silence of sleep. 

{Then it is useless after all.} 

Seishirou's shoulders shake as he chuckles bitterly, the sound of his voice echoing about the room, a strange hollow sound, even to his own ears. There is now only one place where Seishirou can find his peace. 

Dragging his body from its position on the floor of his apartment, Seishirou rises mechanically, the light in his one eye dimmed by hopelessness and fatigue. 

There is only one place where Seishirou always feels peace. 

Seishirou takes his trench coat, and leaves the apartment. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seishirou passes through the newly constructed Kagami Park, the vast labyrinth of glass mazes and water fountains a testament to the new-found wealth of the Matsushita Corporation. It is an elaborate structure with winding paths of frosted glass plates, towering green bushes, trickling streams, and whatever seemed appropriate by the architect that had designed it. Today there are people strolling all throughout the gardens. Anyone from foreign tourists to the senior citizens of Tokyo make it a special point to come to the strange, exotic garden and walk its winding path. 

There are many small nooks and crannies for the visitors to enjoy the scenery, small benches to sit upon behind enclosures of glass panels, rocks by edges of streams, even the little children dangle their feet over the bridges as they enjoy the soft gurgle of the artificial brook. 

There is a bustle of people surrounding Seishirou, and it is with a perverse sense of pleasure that Seishirou knows that he has come here for the kill; to stain this place with the first drops of blood. It is only in the thrill of murder can he, for a few moments, have some semblance of peace. Seishirou enters the maze, walking through a large archway made of glass, playing in his mind over and over the experience of what it is to kill. 

It is the particular type of certainty that entertains the Sakurazukamori in another's death, something akin to the absolute surety that the sun would rise in the east, set in the west, and never in one's life would it deviate from that pattern. So it was with killing. Seishirou would know, as he drew his hand back and whispered his spell, that the victim in his arms would die. He would know as surely as if it had all been written in for him in a textbook, or if Fate herself had whispered it in his ear. In those moments that his hand plunged through the person's chest, the death would already have happened. There was no turmoil, no doubt, and no uncertainty: just an endless moment of still silence as the Absolute Destiny rang its bell again, tolling across the vast expanse of Seishirou's mind, calming him, quieting him, wrapping him up in the warm threads of assurance before the silence broke, the blood spattered, and chaos would be reborn. 

Confronted with another wall of glass, Seishirou turns left this time, working his way through the labyrinth. At random intervals, he would encounter families or couples taking a small break from their journey to have a bite to eat, or doze in each others arms. There were benches and stone stools scattered about various areas, as rest for the weary and places to sit and contemplate the exotic flowers and their glass reflections. 

Seishirou wanders about for a while, taking all the first turns he comes to, and walking down the darkest, overshadowed pathways, always seeking to escape the voices nearby, locked in happy conversation. Peering behind a large clump of rather tall cattails, Seishirou spots a small walkway, a circular arching tunnel surrounded on all sides by tall hedges and overhanging wistaria trees. Seishirou parts the plants, making sure to check around him that no one is going to follow him. He steps through as the plants snap back into place, once again obscuring his new-found path from the view of the park's other visitors. 

It seems that he has descended into a strange twilight world as Seishirou walks down the enclosed path, it is as dark as dusk, but yet faint beams of light still find their way through the thick canopy of trees as the wind rustles. Seishirou turns his head to look up as another breeze rushes by, shaking the branches of the wisterias as little leaves fall about his face. It looks to him like a thick blanket of darkness hovers over his head, pockmarked by the too-big circular discs of stars; like an abstract artist's rendition of a mock nighttime sky. 

Before long the dark passage gives way to a clearing, surrounded on its side by more exotic flowering bushes, and at one end by large, glass fountain. It is simply a large pane of frosted glass, towering a little above Seishirou's height, stretching clear from one end of the enclosure to other. Entwined in the glass are tiny pipes carrying water to the top of the panel, where the liquid cascades down both sides of the wall, like a great guided waterfall, perfect in its rigidly vertical formation, before the sheets of water fall with a splash into a tiny trench and carried to whatever other parts of the maze lie beyond the impenetrable wall of bushes. 

In front of the great fountain sits a long stone bench, with but one solitary figure perched upon it, who looks up as Seishirou approaches. 

"Konnichiwa," the girl says with a slight accent, but a pleasant smile. Long golden-brown hair falls about her face, as she peers at Seishirou through the iridescent frames of her glasses. 

"Konnichiwa," Seishirou bows slightly, inclining his head. He smiles back at the girl, deciding with a delicious twist that she will be his victim today, that her blood will be running scarlet, carried into the stream of Kagami Park like a dark red plague. Nevetheless, the Sakurazukamori smiles pleasantly. 

"So you've found this place too?" the girl asks. 

"It was an accident," Seishirou replies with a shrug, taking a seat next to her. He glances at the laptop in her lap. "Doing work here?" 

"Not exactly," the girl closes the top of her computer. "Just a story I'm writing." 

"About?" 

The girl grins in reply. "That's a secret." 

*~*~*~*~* 

Subaru sighs as he steps out of the library. Another mystery solved, another ancient spirit satisfied. The Sumeragi wonders when he will stop doing these jobs for other people, and it is with a grim smile that Subaru realizes he will probably never stop. It was his duty as the 13th head of the Sumeragi Clan to oversee the spiritual welfare of Japan; and that was not a burden that could easily be overlooked or shrugged off. 

With another depressed sigh, Subaru makes his way down the steps and into the street. It appears as if everyone in the area is gravitating to the newest attraction that Tokyo offers, the newly built Kagami Park. 

::It's a pity I don't have any place to go.:: 

Subaru chuckles grimly at that thought, but follows the throng anyway. Although there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to be gained either; but Subaru doesn't mind that. All he wants is to lose himself and forget, forget that there might have been once been a slim chance of Sumeragi Subaru, the boy, being together with Sakurazuka Seishirou, the veterinarian. 

Subaru steps inside the maze, taking the first few turns he comes upon, turning away from the babble of voices going down the main path. The garden is known for its elaborate labyrinth, its secret corners and hidden pathways. 

Keeping his back to the murmurs of the crowd, Subaru continues down a stray path, oblivious to the beauty about him. He walks in his own world, attempting his best to ward off the troubles which once again have begun assaulting his mind. 

Subaru's feet stop as he is jolted out of his reverie, taking a good look at his surroundings. He finds himself in an empty clearing, with tall bushes on either side, the heady fragrance of exotic flowers wreathing him in an atmosphere of enchantment. Behind him is an empty corridor, lined with smooth graphite, not a soul in sight. At the other end of the enclosure is a large glass panel with water fountaining from the top, cascading down along the structure like transparent veils, crystal clear but yet impenetrable for the frosted glass behind. 

He can hear the low murmur of voices, but as Subaru glances behind him, there is no one. He strains his ears, but above the gurgling of the fountain he can make out nothing more than the voices themselves. Walking to the bench in front of the glass structure, Subaru thinks he can see two shadowed figures on the other side. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

"Can a story in progress be such a secret?" Seishirou puts on his best killer's smile. 

"Well, if you don't want other people to steal your ideas," the girl grins, pauses and then she shrugs. She gives the assassin a sidelong glance, not possibly knowing what the kind Japanese gentleman before her intends. "You're not a writer are you?" 

"Far from it," Seishirou assures her with grim sincerity, even going so far as to place a hand over his heart. "I am a veterinarian." 

The girl raises an eyebrow, studying Seishirou for a moment. "I guess you're safe ground then. Well, I'm actually writing a love story of sorts." 

"A love story? Do people still read those?" 

The girl gapes. "Of course! Everyone reads love stories." She pauses and studies Seishirou again. "But you don't look like the sort to read love stories." 

"I don't?" 

The girl shakes her head. "No offense, but you seem a bit too serious and severe for that." 

Seishirou frowns a bit, but quickly covers it up. 

"Anyway," the woman continues, "my story is about a couple who have to stay apart for ten years before they can finally be together." 

"Why are they apart?" Seishirou pretends to take interest, making sure it shows plainly on his face. 

"Because they didn't realize they couldn't be together," the girl explains. "Even if they were complete opposites, they let duty and their history hinder them. They didn't get along at first, but then they finally realized that they loved each other." The girl smiles a bit wistfully as she talks about her characters. "Then something catastrophic happened to them, and they had to be apart. One sacrificed himself for the other, and they had to wait to be together." 

"Interesting," Seishirou murmurs, wondering why it doesn't take as much effort as it usually takes to keep up appearances. He frowns a bit, taking a cigarette out absent-mindedly. Strange...how a story could seem to be so familiar; the Sakurazuka is absolutely sure he'd never read mindless romantic fiction before. "Sounds like you've got it all planned out." 

"Yeah," the woman blushes, "I suppose you can say that." 

{Better get to the point.} 

"Well," Seishirou says around his cigarette, pulling out a lighter, "want a smoke?" 

The woman shakes her head. "No thank you." 

"You sure?" 

"Yes," the woman smiles kindly, "I'm sure I don't want a cigarette." She pauses for a moment, perhaps beginning to feel the tangible menacing air that Seishirou beings to exude. She begins to become a little suspicious of the friendly Japanese man that had approached her. "I…I think I shall be going now." 

"You should stay." 

Seishirou stands up, pushing the girl back down to the bench with a hand. 

"There's no hurry. Don't be so eager to leave." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Hearing the voices suddenly become louder and more hurried, Subaru curiously approaches the panel of glass. It is obvious that there is a similar enclosure on the other side. He can see two shadows shift, he feels the latent crackle of magic in the air, and the world stands still for him. 

Something awakens in him, something that recognizes without knowing or prior experience, something that makes the twin pentacles on backs of his hands flare to life. 

::Seishirou-san!:: 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seishirou glances up as he notices the movement of a familiar figure behind the large glass fountain. All time slows to a stop as his heart continues its steady pace, the beating of a drum within his ears. 

He lets the girl go, and hardly pays any heed as she picks up her laptop, and hurries out of the clearing, muttering to herself. 

{Subaru-kun?} 

Seishirou reaches a dark for dark ofuda hidden up his sleeve, and with a flick of his wrist and a muttered spell casts it in the water. 

The water shifts, pulling aside like two great curtains to a stage, revealing the figure standing behind the glass. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

::Seishirou-san!:: the Sumeragi gasps as the words of his spell die upon his lips, his ofuda cleaving the sheet of water in two as easily as a fallen strand of hair upon a sharp blade. 

Subaru stares at the image of Seishirou behind the glass, looking back at him with equal surprise. Subaru shifts his vision a little, and he can see himself, his green eyes wide with disbelief, his mouth still open in the throes of his sudden gasp. 

His green eyes. 

And Seishirou's brown eye, and his blinded one. 

*~*~*~*~* 

It is a simple phenomenon of light really, to do with the thickness of the glass and the reflection angles of the incident photons. But Seishirou thinks not of that as he gazes at the Sumeragi revealed before him, behind the frosted panel. 

How strange, Seishirou marvels, to see his own dark self superimposed upon the Sumeragi's light image. 

Subaru's emerald eyes stare back him, large green orbs lost in an epiphany of their own. Their coats blend together in the reflection, Seishirou's dark trench perfectly overlaying that of Subaru's flawless white. Everything about them… 

{So different and yet so the same.} 

It is then, as the world comes to a standstill around that one great moment, that Seishirou realizes everything. 

For the first time in what seems like months, Seishirou smiles.   


End _All You Want_   


Some last notes: All right everyone, just one chapter left. ^_^ **grins** I'm thinking of writing an author commentary for this fic, or maybe something of a Q&A thing with my readers. So if you have any questions regarding this fic (plot, characterization ,how I got the ideas, imagery, diction, themes/motifs, literary devices, setting, my favorite food, etc.), please e-mail me (skuldhotohori@yahoo.com) and I will compile your questions and do my best to answer them. ^_^ **grins** It will likely be posted at the same time as the last chapter. Thanks for reading, everyone! ^_^ 


	10. Take My Hand

**Carry Your Reflection**

_Chapter 10: Take My Hand_

by Seishuku Skuld (skuldhotohori@yahoo.com)

Series: Tokyo Babylon/X 

Pairing: Seishirou x Subaru

Warnings: YAOI, lemon

Dedicated to: All those who have been reading, and assisting me on this endeavor.  I really feel that my writing has developed a lot since the beginning of this fic, and I'd like to thank all my readers, my friends, and especially my beta-readers for their encouragement and support.

Disclaimers: Now that this is the last chapter, I suppose I shall be shipping Seishirou and Subaru back off to CLAMP. **grin**  I'm sure I'll be borrowing them again soon. ^_^  Never fear.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Seishirou-san!"  Subaru rushes forward, pressing himself against the glass panel of the hidden fountain of Kagami Park.  Water falls in a curtain of tears on either side of the Sumeragi.  The soft gurgling of the fluid blends into a peaceful hum, urging Subaru to greater efforts.  

"Seishirou-san!" Subaru cries out again.  His hands curl up into fists; he hopes that his dark counterpart on the other side can hear his voice.    The Sumeragi presses his cheek against the cool glass panel, still glittering with drops of liquid.  Subaru clutches desperately at the moment.  He barely dares to breathe, fearing that a single misplaced sigh might shatter his dream and return him to cruel reality.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou smiles, touching the sheet of glass gently.  The world stills as he stares at Subaru's reflection through the water.  The vision he sees comes as if from a dream, a delicate mirage that quiets the disturbing rumble of the world.  Time slows, wrapping a blanket of silence about the Sakurazuka, as he gazes at his own image spread out perfectly against the Sumeragi's lighter form.  

His thin lips part imperceptibly, and a slight breath escapes.

{You and I, Subaru-kun.}

He heaves a slightly larger sigh, unaware that he has been holding his breath.  Water cascades over his wrist, like some unworldly mirage-like substance.  It wets his shirtsleeves, but he pays it no heed as a cloud of quiet contentment settles about him like a mid-morning haze.  

"Subaru-kun…"

He can vaguely hear the Sumeragi calling to him; a soft and insistent voice wrapped in urgency and longing.  Seishirou looks about him for a way out – some way to get to the other side.  A quick scan of the enclosure reveals nothing.  The fountain stretches the entire expanse of the wall.  It is too tall for him to climb, and if he leaves, he fears getting caught in the maze and never finding the entrance to the Sumeragi's hidden room.  

There is only one way. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Seishirou-san!"

::It's so clear now!::

The Sumeragi gasps as he sees the figure of Seishirou step away.  His heart falls into the pit of his stomach.  For a few terrible moments, he is truly afraid.  Perhaps everything he has seen is simply a confused hallucination, a confabulation of a crazed mind.  

::No!::

Trembling, Subaru reaches a hand into his coat pocket and draws forth his ofuda.  He mutters a spell, the image of Seishirou through the glass burned into his mind.  The Sumeragi begins to chant.  He holds the ofuda aloft between his fingers, desperately weaving his power through the thin strips of paper.  He has to get to Seishirou.  He has to.  

The last word of the incantation flies from Subaru's lips as the ofuda he brandishes flash for a brief, brilliant moment.  In that small space of time, it seems to Subaru as if the world collapses.  He still stares at Seishirou's image through the glass, the full weight of his realization sneaking upon him.

They were the same.

Black and white.  Darkness and light.  Made to be opposites, but also made together.  One could not exist without the other.

 The sound of Subaru's voice hovers in the air, suspended, then abruptly dies in a single burst of light and magic.  The ofuda flies from Subaru's fingers, attaching itself to the glass barrier that stands between him and his dark counterpart:  his nemesis, his twin, his companion.  The Sumeragi's spell unwinds in painfully slow tendrils, its magic hissing as it unravels from the parchment upon which it is cast.  It ascends into the air, wrapping about the glass panel.  For a few terrible moments, the spell obscures the figure standing behind the fountain.  Subaru draws a ragged gasp of breath and waits, the mere miniscule seconds stretching to an enduring eternity.

With a thunderous crack and a shimmer of light the fountain breaks.  The barrier between the two adjoined enclosures shatters into infinitesimal points of glass.  They hover for a moment, like a million teardrops brought suddenly to life, floating in the stillness of the air.  The tiny shards reflect the rays of the sun and the visage of the Sakurazuka.

"Subaru-kun…" The thousands of images of Seishirou move their mouths in unison.  Their faces are all creased in the same smile; their eyes hold the same brilliant glow.  Then the moment ends, and the crystals drop to the ground with a multitude of quiet tinkling sounds.   It is the sound of a million bells ringing, a million voices lifting in one great exultation.  

Seishirou extends his arms, catching the Sumeragi as the young man practically falls in his embrace.  The last piece of glass falls into the water, casting ripples into the waves of its comrades and is stilled as the two men stand silently; wrapped closely about one another.  It is a union of black and white- a beautiful marriage of darkness and light-two ends brought together into a coherent, continuing whole.  

Subaru buries his head into Seishirou's shoulder, rivulets of tears carving their way down his youthful face.  "Seishirou-san…" the Sumeragi sighs.  His breath comes in pants and gasps, too relieved and too happy to speak.

"Sshhh…" the older onmyouji runs a comforting hand through the Sumeragi's hair, smoothing the silken strands in slow strokes.  Seishirou smiles, holding Subaru close to his body.  It is as if a great weight has been lifted from him, and he closes his eyes with profound relief.  The rest of the world melts away, until the existence itself becomes just him and Subaru.  Then the world is at peace.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Seishirou smiles, reclining casually against the couch.  Subaru sits next to him, arms wrapped around Seishirou's waist, burying his head in Seishirou's neck. The Sakurazuka tilts his head lightly to the side, inhaling deeply the scent of Subaru's raven hair.

They had made it back to the apartment via taxi, sitting together in a strange sort of companionable silence, hands and fingers intertwined.  The whole way home, Subaru had leaned his on Seishirou's shoulder, a gesture of complete confidence.  It was not the naïve boyhood trust that the teenage Subaru had often showed; this Subaru was older, wiser.  This Subaru knew the truth and yet still willingly placed his hand within Seishirou's, resting his head on the assassin's shoulder.

Seishirou closes his eyes, stroking the Sumeragi's cheeks with a gentle finger.  A soft voice drifts about them lazily, like invisible whispers of smoke.  The men recline into the lyrics, the words wrapping about their minds, lulling them into peaceful quiet.

_It's my dream_

_A beautiful dream _

_That no one has seen_

_A beautiful deceit_

_That no one has noticed _

"Seishirou-san?" Subaru murmurs quietly, his head slipping into the crook between Seishirou's neck and shoulder.  There the Sumeragi heaves a sigh, nuzzling into his partner.  His heavy breath floats in the air, the warmth hanging between his fragile pink lips and the smooth skin of the Sakurazuka.

"Yes, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou answers slowly.  

A shadow of doubt falls over the Sumeragi's heart.  Subaru fears that Seishirou did not see…

"Seishirou-san, did—"

"Shh."  Seishirou comforts Subaru, smoothing the young man's hair and laying a quieting hand on his shoulder.  "I know, Subaru-kun."

_Now come here, come close to me_

_and I'll sing you an endless song_

Satisfied for a moment, the uncertainty dissolves, receding to the back of the Sumeragi's mind.  He puts a hand shyly on Seishirou's chest, smiling as the dark hues of the apartment play shadows on his pale hand, a beautiful blending of light and dark.  He sighs, placing his head gently on Seishirou's chest as he closes his eyes.  His lips part imperceptibly, moving in perfect time to the lyrics of the song that fills his mind.

_A wonderful person _

_That makes everyone turn_

_A wonderful time_

_That everyone wants_

::Are we really like that, Seishirou-san?::

Subaru smiles wanly, leaning further into the comfort of his dark companion. Seishirou's smile broadens at the gesture, the arm around the younger onmyouji's waist tightening their embrace.

_Hear the whisper of the heart, hear its truth_

_Listen carefully_

{Are you really all right with this, I wonder, Subaru-kun.}

Seishirou and Subaru sit peacefully in the Sakurazuka's apartment, each wrapped in his own comfort.  They recline further against the couch, the cool waves of the song washing over their minds, silencing their thoughts.

_Now kiss me, hold me_

_Show me the endless love_

_The wonderful romance_

_Everyone dreams of_

With the Sumeragi resting on his chest and the music in the background, Seishirou drifts off, losing track of time.  At last he is roused from a quiet reverie, after some hours have passed.  Seishirou looks down to his slumbering companion and gives Subaru a gentle nudge.

"Subaru-kun?"

He receives no answer from the Sumeragi, save for the younger man's soft, even breaths.  Tenderly, so as not to wake Subaru from his sleep, Seishirou shifts his body and lifts the Sumeragi into his arms.  An instinctive gesture, Subaru whimpers in his sleep as long, slender fingers come to entangle themselves in the soft fabric of Seishirou's shirt.  

_Now come here, come close to me_

_and I'll sing you an endless song_

With the Sumeragi in his arms, Seishirou makes his way down the dark hallway and into his bedroom.  He deposits Subaru gently on the bed, drawing the dark sheets over the Sumeragi's still form, a dark wing enveloping the thin, frail light of the young onmyouji.  

Seishirou takes off his shirt and tie and strips himself of his suit pants, slipping into a raiment more suitable for sleep.  The black silk slides onto him like a second skin, covering but not obscuring the lean muscle of the Sakurazuka.  Taking care not to rouse his partner, Seishirou slides into bed.  He draws the sheets to his chin, almost disappearing into the shadows of the bedroom; but a part of him remains, untouched by darkness.  A single point of white seems to glow in the inky blackness, the remnants of an eye lost to a love that years ago he had not understood.  Seishirou smiles; now he understands.  The reasons come to him so easily.  

Seishirou settles himself into the pillow, instinctively reaching out to the sakura.  He finds that the massive cherry tree looks back at him, cold and neutral in its presence.  The Tree's aura is strong in his mind, and Seishirou is at peace.  He has found what has been searching for.  The ancient tree looks back at him approvingly.  He rolls over, draping a possessive arm about the still form of the Sumeragi.

{Strange,}  he muses as he gazes at Subaru.  

The Sumeragi has accepted him today, every facet and secret of his life.  The man, the assassin, the friendly vet Subaru had known years ago; Subaru has accepted them all.  To him, they were all the same man that made Sakurazuka Seishirou.  The Sumeragi's shoulders rise and fall rhythmically as he sleeps peacefully next to the Sakurazuka in a confidence complete in its faith and trust.

{So strange, and so natural, Subaru-kun.}

The rapport between guardian and tree fades as the tree melts into the back of the Sakurazuka's mind.  He sighs, smiling into the night.  He notes with particular good humor that he has been doing a lot of the smiling thing lately; more than ever before in his life.

Beside him, the Sumeragi continues to sleep.  Seishirou moves closer to Subaru, a gentle finger moving to brush the younger man's cheek, marveling at the smooth softness of the youthful flesh.  

{So beautiful.}

The Sumeragi sighs in his sleep, unconsciously leaning into the tender caress.  Seishirou closes his eyes and cuddles Subaru closer to him.  

{Goodnight, Subaru-kun.}

The last rays of the daylight die and pass into night as the moon ascends into the sky.  A sliver of moonlight penetrates the dark curtains of the bedroom the Sakurazuka shares with his Sumeragi lover.  Its beams illuminate a single smile, bathing it in silver light.  

_Hear the whisper of the heart, hear its truth_

_Listen carefully_

_Listen_

_Where is true love found?_

_Who do you give true love to?_

_God, please teach me_

_A true love redder than crimson_

_Although you may laugh_

_The most precious word in the world_

The stereo in the living room turns itself off.   The song draws to a close and winks away, disappearing into silence.  Isobel smiles, the CD case sitting on the windowsill, clothed in the shining rays of the moon.  She looks on to the two slumbering onmyouji, wrapped in each other's arms, her words all but a forgotten dream.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Subaru awakens slowly, with a soft sigh and a fluttering of ebony eyelashes.   A shaft of silver moonlight slips through Seishirou's curtains, illuminating the figure of the Sakurazuka.  It lights up his skin, giving him a strange, unearthly glow, as if some powerful god has descended from the heavens and is now sleeping next to the slender Sumeragi.

With a sense of stillness and awe, Subaru reaches up with an uncertain hand.  Seishirou lies on the bed, covered in a warm blanket, clothed in dark skeins of silk.  An intimate arm lies across the Sumeragi's waist, Seishirou's hand resting on his thigh with warm familiarity.  It is a feeling that Subaru has rarely felt, yet somehow always longed for, something that always felt right.  It is a strange sense of belonging, as if the Sumeragi has always been in the depths of Seishirou's embrace, pulled into the circle of his influence.

Subaru brushes aside a stray lock of hair from Seishirou's forehead, as if drawing aside a dark shadow and revealing a treasure hidden in the night.  There lies before him Sakurazuka Seishirou - unmasked, unguarded, unhidden -  a sacred sight reserved only for his eyes, locked away forever from the rest of the world.  The man sleeps peacefully, a small smile gracing the thin lips.  All lines of care and worry melt away from his face, the turmoil  of the past few months falling away in the depths of slumber.  

Seishirou's chest rises and falls with a regular rhythm as the Sumeragi watches with avid attention, the green orbs of his eyes eagerly absorbing the vision of his companion in the dim light.  The first button of the Sakurazuka's nightshirt undone, the cloth falls away limply, revealing a small expanse of skin.  It begs Subaru to be touched.  Unresisting of its temptation, Subaru reaches forward and places gentle fingers on the flesh before him in a feather light caress that betrays both the Sumeragi's nervous fear and reverence.  What would Seishirou do should he awaken?  Subaru's breath catches as he waits for a reaction from the Sakurazuka.  To his surprise, no eyes snap open, his wrist is not snatched.  After many moments Seishirou still remains in bed, his breathing unchanged.  There is not even the slightest hint of movement as Subaru hesitantly presses his fingers to the man's skin.

Emboldened by Seishirou's lack of response, Subaru's caress delves further beneath the fabric.  Another hand is brought to Seishirou's shirt, fumbling with the next button in a desperate need to reveal more skin hidden from view.  Another piece of the nightshirt falls away, beneath it more temptation to which the Sumeragi eagerly succumbs.  He explores the planes of Seishirou's chest; the perfect, unmarred skin, endlessly smooth and containing a particular intoxicating warmth.  Subaru lets his hand roam the territory, reveling in the feel the flesh against him, inhaling the distinctive scent of his partner, the power of Seishirou's body.  

Time passes as Subaru's fingers wander, sometimes tracing lazy circular patterns, sometimes pressing his entire palm against the Sakurazuka's chest - digits spread for maximum contact.  Seishirou sleeps on.

Sated for the moment, Subaru withdraws his hands, having noted that his still fully clothed, and finding that a distinct point of annoyance.  Feeling suddenly restrained and prohibited, Subaru turns his attention to his own attire.  Unbeknownst to the Sumeragi, the smile on Seishirou's face widens ever so slightly, the eyes opening into small slits to observe Subaru in a rather feline fashion.  

Sitting up silently in bed, Subaru begins working at his black turtleneck, rumpled and wrinkled with a day's work and an evening's sleep.  The Sumeragi first grasps the ends of the shirt, pulling it out from the waist of his jeans.  He pulls, lifting his arms above his head and taking the shirt with them.  The dark cloth peels from his skin, revealing a lean, pale chest.  There are sounds of snapping and popping, little crackles of static electricity as the Sumeragi frees his arms and his head from the garment.

Subaru squeaks in surprise as a powerful hand is placed on his chest.  He is pushed to the bed and immediately drawn into the center of an affectionate, yet slightly mischievous embrace.  The shirt falls to the floor, forgotten, melting into the darkness of the room as if that was the substance from which it had arisen in the first place.  

"Good morning, Subaru-kun," a voice rumbles, deep and vibrant, the texture of the thickest plush velvet.  The arms around the Sumeragi tighten and Subaru nestles closer  to the Sakurazuka, a light flush creeping up to color his creamy cheeks.

"But it's still dark," Subaru murmurs, bringing a hand to tangle amidst the silken folds of his partner's shirt.  "The sun hasn't risen yet."

"Then is it 'goodnight?'" Seishirou whispers, breathing lightly by the Sumeragi's ear.  He feels Subaru shiver in his arms, and responds likewise with mounting anticipation.

"We could count this morning," Subaru smiles, leaning back into Seishirou's embrace to regard the Sakurazuka with a particularly playful glow in his emeraldine eyes.  "But I believe it is still night."  Subaru places a hand on Seishirou's arm, as if to emphasize his words.  

"I just woke up, so it is morning," Seishirou counters, lightly kissing the Sumeragi's cheek.  

Subaru sighs softly, his fingers ghosting lightly across the skin on Seishirou's arm.  "Then it is morning if you say so, Seishirou-san."  The Sumeragi smiles coyly, playing with a lock of Seishirou's hair.  

"And what does my Subaru-kun usually do in mornings?" Seishirou asks, rising to the Sumeragi's unspoken challenge as he moves his hand closer to Subaru's bared flesh.

"I wake up," Subaru replies smoothly, arching into the caress as Seishirou lays his hand gently on the Sumeragi's skin.  Subaru can barely repress a small shiver of excitement, as he settles and lies back into the bed.

"Is that all?"  Seishiriou's hand moves up, stopping near one of Subaru's nipples.  He watches with rapture as desire blooms in Subaru's face.  The younger man flushes a soft shade of scarlet, his breath catching in a small gasp, barely audible.  

"Maybe I'll do a bit more on some mornings," Subaru grins.  His eyes sparkle with mischief, and there is a playful tone to his voice as he drapes a leg over Seishirou's waist to emphasize exactly what he means to do on this particular morning.  

"I had no idea my Subaru-kun was so eager in the early hours," Seishirou hisses seductively.  He catches a piece of Subaru's neck in his mouth, giving it his full attention.  

Subaru moans in a breathy sigh, tilting his head to the side and exposing even more flesh for Seishirou to devour.  "Some mornings are special."

"Indeed," Seishirou agrees. He leaves the Sumeragi's neck to attack his mouth, muffling Subaru's reply. 

The Sumeragi presses himself closer to his counterpart, wrapping his arms around Seishirou's back, listening to his own moans the other man's answering grunt.  Seishirou rolls over and pins Subaru to the bed with his weight, holding both the Sumeragi's wrists against the pillow.  The younger man does not resist and instead encourages the Sakurazuka, squirming beneath the intimate touches and gentle stimulation of his pleasure zones.

Releasing his arms, Seishirou moves down the Sumeragi's chest, licking and nipping lightly at the skin.  He laves his tongue over a smooth nipple – sucking and stroking until it hardens, turning the color of smooth milk chocolate.  

Subaru groans, repressing a shudder.  Although this is not a new sensation, it still retains its novelty.  He doubts if the experience will ever lose its appeal.  

::Our first time truly together.::

Truly of one mind and one understanding.  Whatever was to come in the future, Subaru would always mark this day as their first real joining.  

::Together.::  Subaru muses to himself as Seishirou deftly unbuttons his pants and beings sliding them off.  

{So beautiful, Subaru-kun.}

Seishirou grins, fingers finding their way beneath the elastic band of Subaru's underwear.  

{Why didn't I see it before?}  

Seishirou slides the briefs off the Sumeragi's compliant legs, and tosses them onto the floor.  They play no more part in the game, their service of modesty long since gone. 

Subaru shivers under the older man's appraising gaze, his skin prickling with excitement.  He studies Seishirou's expression, the fine movements of his one eye memorizing the contours of the Sumeragi's body.  Seishirou's eye sparkles as he licks his lips and ponders his next move: how best to seduce the young man beneath him.  He wants to bring pleasure, enough so that the youthful, supple body writhes in climax, the rosebud lips calling his name.

Subaru turns bright red – fearful, excited, and anxious – as Seishirou rewards him with a smile and bends to capture the Sumeragi's mouth.  The kiss is slow at first, nothing but a small spark lighting a candle flame.  It is quiet, muted, and silent, hesitant and wondrous before the fire is stoked and begins to blaze anew.  Passion flies everywhere, penetrating the very atmosphere of the room, bursting in bright explosions of color.  Their bodies flush with heat, possessed by instinctual urges that until now lay dormant.  

They devour each other; mouths opening willingly like floodgates holding back torrential waters.  Their desires cascade into one another, building up in intensity until their need becomes a loud and insistent rush in their minds.  Their movements quicken, small touches become impassioned strokes, leaving lingering flames in their wake.  

Subaru gasps as Seishirou closes a hand on him.  The Sumeragi holds back a whimper, the power of his excitement pouring over his body, making him giddy and lightheaded.  He watches Seishirou as though gazing through a moonlit haze, his partner's hair seemingly blending into the darkness, a shadowy patch of black against the pale pink blush of his skin.

::Seishirou-san…::

Subaru bites his lip to keep from crying out, a moan rising from his chest.  It bubbles upwards to his throat, demanding to be liberated.  "Seishirou-san," Subaru gasps, bringing the back of his hand to his mouth, as if to staunch his cries which must surely escape if unhindered.

"Let it go," the rich voice of the Sakurazuka reaches his ears, his companion breathing slowly.   Hot puffs of air waft to Subaru's most sensitive areas.  The Sumeragi tenses, quivering with delight, and Seishirou's tongue snakes out to taste him.  "Go with it."

Unsure and hesitant, Subaru releases himself, falling and sliding into the river of emotion that Seishirou and their heated foreplay generates.  Moans come forth, and Subaru barely registers the needy, desperate voice as his own.

"Seishirou-san."

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou moans around the Sumeragi's arousal.   The velvety waves of his deep timbre sending pleasurable ripples reverberating back and forth throughout the Sumeragi's tense body.

::You and I…::

{Subaru-kun, we are…}

::We are One.::

Muscles drawn taut, Subaru is about to reach his climax Seishirou stops and withdraws.  The Sumeragi lets out a strangled sob, sitting up, regarding his lover with mixed emotion: question, pleading, loss.

Knowing Subaru's answer without the needing to ask, Seishirou smiles devilishly, ever calm, cool, and suave even in the throes of passion.  He slides into the Sumeragi's glowing verdant eyes as he gazes into them.  He could lose himself forever in those eyes.  He notes with surprise that through the thin light of the moon, he can see his reflection through Subaru's eyes.  His own visage stares back at him twice, face flushed with ill-restrained desire, a mischievous smile turning the corner of his thin lips, the lightest shade of red.  His own face wreathed in a ring of the Sumeragi's emeraldine irises.  As he looks upon Subaru (twin, lover, friend, mate), he knows in the dark corners of his mind that the Sumeragi must also see his own face reflected in Seishirou's eyes.  They spend long moments gazing at each other, the desire temporarily stalled, quelled by their moment of shared catharsis.

{Subaru-kun knows that he…}

::Seishirou-san sees that he…::

_Carries my reflection._

Then, with that final thought, everything clicks into place, the last piece of the puzzle.  It is a concept so simple, so pure and clean that in the small instant of their realizations their passion renews.  They marvel at that small truth, so obvious that a child could have understood.

Seishirou pushes Subaru to the bed.  The Sumeragi slides into his embrace willingly, his legs opening, long limbs circling around Seishirou's waist, welcoming him.  They rock together, one need, one mind, one joined force.  They become a miraculous combination of black and white, mixed yet still somehow individual and distinct.  

The sound of moaning fills the room.  Their voices raise together, groans and grunts falling in among the sharp slap of skin as they merge.  They slip into one another, a wet tangle of limbs, sweat, and sex.  

After long moments, all activity ceases, the rhythm slows to a stop and the cries die into contended sighs.  They stop, leaving nothing but already-fading memories and the lingering aura that they belong this way: entwined in each other's arms, content, happy, and sated.  They are the same, they are different, but above all they are together, connected, One.  

As they fall into the darkness of sleep, the red sun rises on the horizon, signifying a new day.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It is already mid-afternoon by the time Seishirou and Subaru awaken.  The Sumeragi rolls over lazily from where he has pressed himself against the Sakurazuka's larger form.  Subaru smiles, snuggling further into his lover's embrace.  They are silent for long moments, simply enjoying each other's company, listening to steady beats of each other's hearts as their hands wander to caress soft skin.  

"Good afternoon, Seishirou-san," Subaru finally murmurs, breaking the silence as he detaches himself briefly from the Sakurazuka.  He gazes deep into Seishirou's eyes, smiling at his own face reflected back.  

"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun," Seishirou replies, drawing the Sumeragi close and placing a tender kiss on his lips.  They lie in bed for another lengthy amount of time, wrapped in each other's arms, completely relaxed and unrushed, enveloped in their own world of peaceful bliss.  

"So," Subaru whispers, placing a slender finger on Seishirou's lips, "where do we go from here?"

"Breakfast," Seishirou begins slowly, "and then I have some business to take care of tonight."  An awkward silence follows, for neither the Sakurazuka nor the Sumeragi have any doubt as to what this untold 'business' might be.  Seishirou takes Subaru's hand, and clasps it, their fingers interlacing.  Seishirou brings the back of the Sumeragi's hand to his lips, and gives it a reassuring, gentlemanly kiss.  

Subaru blushes a soft shade of pink, but manages to smile, completely comfortable with the intimacy he shares with the Sakurazuka.  "I didn't mean that, Seishirou-san."  He touches Seishirou's chest gently but insistently, pressing his fingers firmly against flesh.  "Tell me what you're thinking."

Seishirou smiles in response, his eyes slowly fluttering closed.  He sighs, a hand reaching out to cup Subaru's cheek.  The Sumeragi leans into the caress with an answering sigh.  Seishirou's thumb travels along the contours of Subaru's face, slowly rubbing the soft skin.  He tilts Subaru's face up, following his light touches with tender kisses, barely a brush lips against flesh.  

"Trust me," Seishirou says seriously, opening his eyes to gaze fondly at Subaru.  He wraps his arms around the Sumeragi's shoulder, drawing the younger man in for an embrace.  

"I do," Subaru breathes quietly as if letting out a great sigh.  He smiles contentedly, in a way he thought he'd already forgotten how to do.  It reminds him of days long past, when he was younger and in love with the veterinarian he had first met by accident at a subway station.  It is a love, he realizes, that has never left him.  Subaru snuggles into Seishirou, inhaling the other man's scent: sex, spice, sakura, cigarettes, and blood.  It is Seishirou's distinctive smell, and Subaru loves each and every little part of it.  

It is hours again before they both stir and rise from the bed. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Where are you going, Seishirou-san?"  Subaru asks, putting the dishes away from a hasty dinner.  "The sun's going down.  It'll be dark soon."

"I know," Seishirou replies simply.  He pauses for a moment, one arm in his coat sleeve, the other reaching for his keys.  "The tree hasn't been fed for a few days."

"Oh."  Subaru stops his work as silence settles about the apartment.  He closes his eyes, standing still and unmoving.  Both men remain frozen as the clock ticks away the passing of several seconds.  

"When will you be home?" Subaru asks quietly, shattering the silence.  Suddenly time moves forward again and this thoughts resume.  

::This is Seishirou-san.::

"As soon as I can make it back."

::This is who he is and what he has to do.::

Subaru walks to Seishirou, cupping the man's chin in both hands.  He gazes in the eyes of the Sakurazukamori, one a well of darkness, and the other a cloudy, milky white.  Subaru searches and finds himself in Seishirou's bronze eye, his visage staring back at him with a faint smile.

::This is Seishirou.  And I love him.::

"I'll be waiting for you," Subaru says, giving Seishirou a soft, lingering kiss before pulling away.  "I'll be here."

Seishirou smiles once, one finger moving up to affectionately stroke the Sumeragi's cheek.  He turns away, finishes putting his coat on and leaves, closing the door softly behind him.

Subaru remains in the room, listening to the silence of the apartment, staring at the closed door.  A small smile spreads itself across his face as he makes his way to the couch in the living room.

He opens the curtains, looking into the city below, bathing his face in the dying rays of sunlight.  He places his fingers against the glass, feeling its cool, soft texture as the sounds of traffic float up to him, distant and muffled.  He sees his reflection in the glass, and closes his eyes.  

::We're too much the same to be apart.::

Subaru settles down into Seishirou's couch, his silhouette blending into the inky blackness until he seems to be wrapped in the very quintessential fabric of darkness itself.  Small droplets of silver tears fall down his pale face, but still, Subaru smiles.  He settles down, laying himself on the furniture comfortably.  He closes his eyes, tucking his hands beneath his head and stretching out his legs.  

Outside, the sun dips below the horizon and a chill wind blows through Tokyo.  A still corpse falls to the grass of Ueno Park, staining its green grass a deep hue of crimson.  A man pushes up his sunglasses, smiling as night descends.  Another man, further away, sleeps quietly, awaiting his lover's return so that once again, they can be reunited.

By himself, but not alone, Subaru waits for Seishirou's return.

End _Carry Your Reflection_


End file.
